Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Only Psychos don’t do Facebook

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a cabal of biased (bought & paid for) government / commercial interest-funded clinical research psychologists piloted by Harvard’s Dr Chlamydia Mingerot, the ubiquitous Facebook - along with a few pervy BD/SM websites we won’t stoop to mention (alt.com / bondage.com) - have become such an addictive ‘must belong’ dynamic in our corrupt, herd mentality copycat society that people who avoid or shun such intrusive social networking sites are automatically branded ‘weirdoes’ by the head-shrinking elements of industrial and civil service bureaucracy human resource assessment groups.

In fact the leaked Harvard report goes a step further than the sophistic ‘weirdo’ euphemism label, and profiles these reclusive elements as raving misanthropes suffering from negative self-esteem syndrome core issues rooted in a lack of personal achievement - all additionally stricken with chronic halitosis and a small penis – factors they come to blame on God and humanity in general and seek due accounting and revenge for.

And that is just the evaluation of the male of the species – abnormal and dysfunctional – and perhaps deadly dangerous to boot - so let’s just leave the anti-social female / harpy element psychological assay well alone for now.

Dr Mingerot elucidated the hypothesis that “The uncommunicative, reclusive aspect of this anti-social condition is a definite indicator that these people are latent serial killers and generalised psychos on a simmer setting, just waiting on the right moment to go ‘postal’ and stroll nonchalantly into their place of work or local neighbourhood synagogue – or mosque – or nearest cinema screening a Batman premier – and start shooting – or detonate some home-made black pepper and peroxide tactical weapon of mass distraction in a busy shopping mall.”

While not quite stretching the tangibility factor to the elastic extent of dear Doctor Mingerot’s diagnosis, the Head-Bangers Gazette reports that human resources departments across Europe, Asia and the Great Satan harbour a wary bête noir aversion of young job candidates who don't have Facebook accounts – with the editorial section going so far as to support and endorse the Harvard report findings with mention that John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Patsy, Sirhan Bishara Sirhan, Mehmet Ali Agca, John Warnock Hinckley Jnr., Mark David Chapman, Thomas Watt Hamilton – and the psycho newcomers to mass murder, Anders Behring Breivik, along with James Eagan Holmes – all shared common ground in their lack of having a Facebook profile (but being conspicuously blessed with middle names – even the non-Christian stooges).

Well, let’s shy away from the ridiculous, for Harry S. Truman never had a Facebook account as Zuckerberg’s insidious and pervasive monster wasn’t around in 1945, yet still managed to order the nuclear bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki – and ate a big dinner after the mass homicidal events - while Mother Theresa, another non-user of social websites, never spit the dummy nor snuffed any annoying twats at her local Darby & Joan Club or Townswomen’s Guild. So that’s the accuracy of psychological profiling consigned squarely in the trash can.

However, the techie news site ‘Crap-Shot’ summed up the Head-Bangers Gazette story about social networking could be the first tell-tale sign that a person is a mass murderer – stating that both Holmes and Breivik were chronic dog-wankers with penis size issues, who while not having Facebook accounts were both members of the Adult Friend Finder ‘shag-a-troll’ hookup site – and concluded their speculative and moronic drivel with the fact that using Facebook is a sign of having a healthy social network – whereas serial killers normally lack any real friends - perhaps due the fact they keep murdering them.

On a lighter note, a Facebook memes page that depicted Aboriginal people in Australia as drunks and welfare cheats has been removed after a public outcry from ‘Whingers’ – the drunks and welfare cheats support group charity.

Thought for the day: Hmmm, ‘Farcebook’ – a waste of time, space and effort. Who the fuck in their right mind wants to mow some other twat’s website farm meadow?
Really, does no fucker or their dog realise this is an advancement of the tip-toe Big Brother totalitarian, panopticon society via the back door – with the common herd joining up of their own volition to give information – and personal inclinations – away? Albeit such disclosures are pure Nirvana for gossiping fishwives’ and chronic curtain twitchers.

Here we have the hive mind sheeple, being NLP programmed to divulge all manner of personal details and police each other – especially the radical types who dare to have the audacity to wax critically on socio-political issues and get branded as suffering from Oppositional Defiance Disorder – and red-flagged into ostracised obscurity lest the rest of the herd get infected with a touch of ‘Storm the Bastille’ Bolshie-ism.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dead true, some of the shit that gets posted on Facebook and other social networking websites is pure 'look at me' drivel from no-brainers who need to get a life.