Friday, 8 June 2012

Kudos: HMRC Cripple Skip Industry Overnight

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The latest piece of money-grubbing insanity to be jointly conjured up by the Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next in conjunction with HM Revenue & Customs and local government authorities is a ‘Shock n Awe’ 2,500% rise in the price of landfill tax for ‘common or garden waste’ skips just imposed on a mere week’s notice.

In yet another of their ill-thought and fatally flawed schemes to fill the Treasury’s coffers at any price, Broken Britain’s not-fit-for-purpose Libservative Coalition government have announced drastic changes to the HMRC landfill tax, upping the ante from £2.50 a tonne to £64 a tonne without prior consultations nor warning.

No tip-toe Orwellian creep approach on this one – just a smack in the face “Hello folks, you are about to get shafted up the arse yet again” message sanctioned by HMRC to the hapless small skip companies who face financial ruin as their units are out on hire at a contractual pre-set rate - and will now cost them an extra £61:50 quid to empty on council-run landfill sites.

Conversely HMRC director Robin Gitt defended the changes as they addressed an anomaly on inert waste collected by skips, while other types of waste – such as depleted uranium and bulk dog poop - were already charged the higher rate of tax.
“This has been a grey area, which certain unscrupulous companies have exploited to great commercial effect to enable land filling on the cheap – and it’s a loophole that’s about to be fixed.”

However, Ronnie McScrote, spokesman for Ox-Rat, the government abuse watchdog, informed one press hack from the Flytippers Gazette “It’s a well-established fact that HMRC is staffed by shit-for-brains tossers who don’t give a fuck who they screw as long as they rake the ackers in and meet their numpty performance targets."
"But it makes you wonder if they have a bunch of rock apes burning the midnight oil and working round the clock to dream up moronic schemes like this which will have the knock-on effect of bankrupting smaller skip companies, put thousands of ‘chartered skip scavvies’ out of a job – and kick start a veritable deluge of illegal dumping across the nice green CCTV-free countryside.”

“Irrespective of the long term merits or otherwise of the increase in charges that’s resulted from the change in guidance, slapping skip and other like waste disposal companies with a 2,500% increase in tipping fees overnight means there is no time for them to adjust their practices or modify the prices they charge customers.”

“Not wishing to incite any displays of anarchy with this thought, but wouldn’t it be poetic justice if every fucker and their dog started fly-tipping their crap in the car parks of the HMRC offices.”

*Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

The Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

No comments: