Friday, 22 June 2012

Celeb’ Role Model Culture Slammed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A high school head teacher speaking to Andrew ‘Bat Ears’ Marr on the BBC’s Narcissists Hour programme, stated that in her personal, unqualified opinion the common herd waste too much time, money and effort focusing on their appearances – which Marr took as a personal insult when she had the gall to say she wasn’t actually making a reference to his huge ‘Chiroptera’ auditory appendages – although had he ever considered corrective plastic surgery?

Dr Chlamydia Mingerot, head of St Sappho’s Academy of the Sacred Godermiche at Smegmadale-on-Sea was being interviewed by old ‘Wingnut Head’ concerning her recently published best-selling ‘Flattery for Fuckwits‘ which deals with the perceived negative impact that reality television stars and media celebrity figures have on young people – and too their brain-dead parents.

Mingerot, a bit of an all-round troll herself and badly in need of a shot of industrial strength Botox (or the cheaper version silicon vulcanising tyre sealant marketed by Kwik-Fit) claims that the highly shaggable Kim Kardsashian is a poster girl for ‘almost everything that is wrong with modern society’ – excepting the eurozone crisis, the drought in Somalia, and Syria’s burgeoning civil war.

Conversely the majority of healthy virile males around the globe who haven’t yet succumbed to the rampant ‘Fudger Virus’ (and too a legion of lipstick lesbos and butch dykes) would tend to disagree entirely and consider Kim a great piece of ass - and a fair feminine example of masturbation fantasy material – along with bimbo sisters Kourtney, Khloé, and her mum, Kris ‘Super Slapper’ Jenner.

In Mingerot’s biased opinion, friends, family and teachers are shit out of luck when it comes to influencing young children over the attraction and daring-do deeds of celebrity role models such as TV personalities, movie actors, footballers, Bolshie tennis prima donnas, international war criminals and Somali pirates sporting crossed bandoliers full of shiny 7.62 full metal jackets, an AK47 and a black eye patch.

“The surveys we’ve carried out with kiddies as young as five and up to sixteen prove conclusively they do see celebs with their faces plastered all over the TV screens as their ideal role models.”
“Then we watch a group of nine-year old soccer fans out in the playground at lunchtime, huddled round a copy of Daily Shitraker, reading how sports stars such as Wayne Rooney can afford to pay some whore in Manchester’s notorious Renta-Slut lap dancing bar £1,000 quid for a blow job and a knee trembler – plus we have the other clot with the perma-sun tan who plays for the Arab Blues, Balotelli, setting fireworks off in his toilet and burning down half of Mottram St Andrew. Role models indeed.”

“During the survey on personal image goals a group of twelve-year-old girl pupils related “We want to be like Michelle Obama” and when asked to clarify “Do you mean ‘coloured’ and self-opinionated”? – they replied “Course not, stupid – we want one of those silicon Botox jobs on our buns so we have a nice big Hottentot designer arses too.”

“This of course is the problem with reality television – an over-abundance of chronically-constipated bitchy bottle blonde slappers with Neanderthal IQs wearing ‘Scorpio Rules’ amber necklaces and quaffing magnums of Pestco Greedy Grocer Chateau le Dogpiss vino, while prattling on with loads of the usual ‘troll’ shite gossip to some raving poofter posing as a talk show host.”

“It all comes down to the likes of that lowlife down-under dingbat, Raving Rupert Mudrock and corporate-owned television - the core pillar of a corrupt media that props up a corrupt political system and is destroying our culture.”

“And it’s not just the TV celebs either – just look at the role models we have with Prince Chazzer, the Plant Whisperer and his horrid chain-smoking hag of a missus Gorgonzilla, the Duchess of Cornhole.”
“Mind you the first wife, Princess Di was a real deal role model – land mines and kiss my arse, Mrs Windsor – and she got knocked off in a Paris car smash by MI6 and that poor little Muslim foetus carved out of her tummy in the back of an ambulance while being euthanized on the long way round to the nearest hospital. Hence so much for life as a royal role model.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Brill' - a great piss take