Monday, 6 June 2011

Real US Plot to Trounce Libya Exposed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

UK Foreign Secretary Willy ‘Closet Case’ Vague, in Benghazi last Saturday for top secret hush-hush ‘mission creep’ diplomatic meetings with the rag-tag bunch of intellectually-challenged nomads posing as the Transitional National Council of the Revolution, informed the BBC's Andrew ‘Bat-Ears’ Marr during the ‘Neo-Imperialist Hour’ programme that he had met representatives of all areas of Libya, and of many political shapes and shades – fat, thin, dark, darker, and scabby.

Hague revealed he discussed a ‘political roadmap’ for the future with the rebels' Transitional Council – to which they replied “We already have roads and maps and GPS – you give us more weapons and Israeli mercenaries – and the Swiss bank accounts you promised if we kick Gaddafi out – and we’ll sell you as much oil as your English motor cars can drink.”

UK Apache attack helicopters were on the ball and again in action over Libya on Saturday night during Vague’s pit-stop visit and loosed barrages of Shitehawk missiles to impress the Foreign Secretary, managing to destroy a mixed convoy of refugee buses and Red Cross ambulances on the Libyan coast near Brega – plus the only Mr Whippy ice cream van still in operation outside of Tripoli.

When asked by Marr what kind of people the rebels were and their political backgrounds, Vague stated for the public record that they seemed like a bunch of pretty genuine chaps with not too many oicks in their ranks – and even though they smelled like they’d never had a wash in their lives, they still believed in ‘democracy’ – even if they couldn’t spell it.

Conversely, a new angle on the US-instigated NATO attacks on Libya and the incumbent bonkers head of state, Colonel Muammar al Gaddafi, came to light today when the radical WickedLeaks website revealed that unlike Afghanistan, invaded under the 9/11 false flag terrorist attack pretences to gain control of the shithole’s opium crops and establish a military jump-off base ready for the invasion of Pakiland – or Iraq, where the illegal invasion was – and still is – all about OIL – the West’s wrath being visited on Libya has sweet fuck all to do with protecting the democratic rights of civilians – nor does it really concern oil.

Rather, according to whistleblowing moles at the London-based Strategic Scumwatch Institute, the Libyan fiasco is vindictive payback for the release of Abdelbaset Mohmed Ali al-Megrahi on compassionate grounds so he might die peacefully at home, shaded by the date palms of some nostalgic oasis in the midst of the desert wilderness.

However, no sooner is the shifty twat safely back in Libya, then he has the utter cheek to turn around, go on a Gerson therapy diet, bang down a mob of tumour-killer B17-enriched apricot kernels and still be alive and kicking 22 months further down the line – even having the audacity to start buying long playing records and laborious Russian novels.

Strategic Scumwatch aficionados will recall that Big Al Megrahi was an alleged former intelligence officer ‘and’ head of security for Libyan Arab Airlines, plus the director of the Centre for Strategic Studies in Tripoli – a very busy man – if the Zionist Western media is to be believed (sic) who, being mistaken for Mohammed al Patsy, was conveniently convicted of responsibility for the bomb attack on Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland, on 21 December 1988 – then released from his cosy Scottish prison cell on 20th August 2009 following a dodgy doctor’s report which stated for the public record that the Libyan was suffering from terminal prostate cancer, due a diet of decaffinated porridge and high-octane haggis - with a prognosis that he had around three months to live and wouldn’t be receiving any Christmas cards.

During a February conclave of a joint committee comprised of the White House ‘Project Retribution’ staffers and theoretical strategists from the Pentagon’s ‘Extreme Prejudice’ vengeance department, primarily meeting to discuss the best way to get rid of Larry Sinclair, Sarah Palin and the ‘Birthers’ movement activists, the US Defence Secretary Robert Gates announced “The Kenyan guy’s all pissed off that Gaddafi’s pulled the wool over the Brit’s eyes and scored a piece of one-upmanship against the West with al-Megrahi still alive – so he wants to take advantage of the North African Arab states kicking off, pro-reform wise, and instigate the same kind of rumpus in Libya.”
“Then we can twist the UN’s arm and go in with a bent resolution to protect civilians and snuff the crazy Colonel with bunker busters targeting his Kevlar-armoured tent – and probably get al Megrahi too – before he convinces anyone he was a patsy and nothing to do with the Pan-Am bombing.”

Adding a final nail to the coffin, WickedLeaks have published a cable from Sir Mortimer Spatchcock, the UK Ambassador to Libya at the time of Megrahi’s release – wherein he expressed relief that the Libyan would be returned home under Scotland's compassionate release programme - noting that a refusal of Megrahi's request may well have had disastrous implications for British interests in Libya and, to quote, “They could have cut us off at the knees, just like the fucking Swiss."

Spatchcock’s comment regarding "the Swiss" is a reference to Libya's vindictive reaction after Swiss police arrested Colonel Gaddafi's vulgarian son, Hannibal and his slapper of a wife, Aline Skank, on charges of abusing servants at a luxury hotel in Geneva. Although the couple quickly bribed their way out of the fubar situation and the charges dropped once official palms had been greased with baksheesh, Libya responded by withdrawing zillions of dollars from Swiss banks, cutting off oil supplies, denying visas and recalling diplomats – then cancelling all further orders of cuckoo clocks and chocolate.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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