Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Scameron: UK Cash for Third World Health

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The UK’s leader of the fatally-flawed Libservative coalition government, Posh Dave Scameron, yesterday copped for fresh bouts of severe criticism from public welfare activists and trade unions after seeking to defend and rationalise his earlier pledging of a further £814 million quid of British taxpayers’ hard-earned money to a Third World child vaccination programme run by the demented eugenics / Agenda 21 population cull fanatic, Microsoft head honcho Bill Gates, taking the country’s total contribution to £1.5 zillion.

Britain's burgeoning overseas aid budget came under fresh scrutiny last weekend
as it emerged Scameron has, without House of Conmans consultation or debate, decided off his own back to donate five times more than the United States to Gates’ multi-billion-pound international toxic vaccine initiative.

‘Bolshie Bazzer’ McScrote, the director of Ox-Rat, the government abuse watchdog, opined to a press hack from the Spendthrift Gazette that “Wot the fuck does this twat Scameron think he’s up ter, eh? Givin’ one an’ a half billion nicker of our effin’ money away ter a pick n mix selection of Third World shitholes ter improve their health services at a time when our own 'Third Rate' NHS (National Ill-Health Service) has gone ter the dogs.”

“As it stands right now British patients have ter jump on an effin’ bus ter Poland and get a discount deal on havin’ their suppuratin’ haemorrhoids banded - as opposed ter waitin’ in agonisin’ eternity fer the Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next ter sort their ideas out wiv these NHS reforms - whether healthcare trusts or local GPs – or a clusterfuck of both - will be the ones wot decides on patient priorities and schedulin’. I ain’t jokin’, we’ve seen better organised riots an’ the NHS Reforms Bill should be allowed ter die a dignified death.”

“Okay, if, as they keep gobbin’ off about, Britain’s ‘Got Talent’ they why the flyin’ fuck are we stuck wiv a bunch of moronic clots in Parliament wot’s definitely not out ter serve the best interests of the voting – and tax-paying – public? The UK’s bein’ run on a permanent war economy footin’ – supporting’ this Project fer a New American Century campaign of neo-colonialism ter establish bases right across the Middle east an’ control the oil - wot doesn’t serve the common people well at all – here or over there.”

“It’s a load of old bollocks, I’m tellin’ yer, ring-fencin’ the government's overall aid budget like these bastards have at a time when draconic austerity measures are bein’ imposed on a population wot’s comprisin’ greater numbers of the ranks of unemployed and homeless peasants who don’t even have a pot to piss in. Wot we need is an effin’ end ter the UK military spendin’ abroad cos them funds should be prioritized fer domestic consumption only an’ not tryin’ ter bomb old bonkers Gaddaffi an’ Libya back inter the Stone Age like wot they’ve done in Afghanistan an’ Iraq – under this bullshit rationalisation that it’s all down ter ‘humanitarian intervention’ ter protect civilians.”

“In my book Scameron don’t even qualify fer a slot in the index of Linnaean taxonomy an’ is possessed by this hereditary unqualified arrogance that he’s bin given some divine mandate ter use an’ abuse the taxpayer’s funds as he wishes, spending on aid projects in Third World dumps when those could be wholly funded by their own corrupt kleptocrat-infested governments wot’s got more money than us. Fer fuck’s sake, wot’s the point of vaccinatin’ all these skinny sprogs cos 90% of ‘em are gonna be dead from malaria or malnutrition or playin’ soccer wiv cluster bombs – an’ games of Chicken Hopscotch in minefields.”

In contrast Scameron castigated what he termed ‘aid sceptics’ and defended his decision by applying a hypocritical portion of bizarre rhetoric versus stark reality, informing Fourth Estate gutter press hacks “I mean, some of these kiddies are so deprived they’ve never even heard of or tasted one of Starbucks superb Kopi Luwak decaffeinated lattes – or had a Christmas visit from Santa or been in Hamleys Toy Shop on Regent Street – never mind being denied the right to attend a good school like Eton – or join Oxford’s Bullingdon Club like Bonkers Boris Nonsense and Georgie Osborne and myself.”

Posh Dave then went on to deliver an impassioned speech to justify increased spending on international aid, arguing that Western countries have a moral duty to help save children in the poorest nations (excluding Britain) from entirely preventable deaths – stating for the public record that the two biggest killers of infants in the developing world were galloping pneumonia and the feared ‘Screaming Shits’ strain of ballistic diarrhoea – aside from drought and famine, depleted uranium contamination - and the genocidal ethnic cleansing campaigns waged against them by their own governments - but unfortunately overlooked the fact that the Western powers, under the aegis of NATO, are currently bombing the shit out of these same children’s homes and schools.

Cameron further made it clear that he would not allow the fucked up state of Britain’s domestic economy and deficit to be used as an excuse to duck out of obligations to the most needy across the world – such as supplying Bahrain’s despotic regime with the tools of brutality required to suppress political dissent – and backing NATO in their drive to protect Libyan civilians from the Viagra-fuelled rapists comprising the ranks of Colonel Gaddafi’s military.

Regardless of Posh Dave’s rhetorical rationalisations and excuses besides, the contribution by the reluctant British taxpayers clocks up at more than five times the £274 million quid pledged by the US; 30 times higher than Germany’s piss ant £44 million; and almost 50 times the £30 million given by Spain – now facing bankruptcy due the engineered collapse of its cucumber agro-industry. Glow in the dark Japan spared a mere £5.5 million from its Fuckupshima nuclear disaster funds; while China – alike Greece – exercised prudent judgement that ‘charity begins at home’ – and coughed up sweet fuck all.

Sheldon Scumberg, head of the U.S. Agency for International Development, informed the media that “America can’t afford to give more because we’re facing a very difficult budget environment – trying to finance all these foreign wars of aggression. I mean to say, what’s the point of wasting money on projects to vaccinate children in dumps like Afghanistan and Pakiland when at the same time our military are dropping bombs on them?”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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