Scameron Slams UK Military Chiefs

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The UK’s Libservative Coalition leader, the ultra-narcissistic Posh Dave Scameron, has castigated - ‘with extreme prejudice’ - erring military chiefs who dared speak out to the media concerning Britain's lack of strategic planning and fatally-flawed roles in Afghanistan and Libya – and in opposition to the scheduled ground invasions of Gaddafi-land and Syria later this summer - once the CIA’s black propaganda machine ‘hots up’ the humanitarian intervention factor across the Western media and secures UN approval.

Scameron’s ‘spit the dummy’ reaction follows what the Tory boss deemed a major faux pas by the RAF's second-in-command, Air Chief Marshal Sir Dinsdale Bogbrush, who confided in gutter press hacks during a session in Whitehall’s Fudgers Arms pub – on the proviso they didn’t tell more than a dozen - that impossible demands were being placed on what bit of equipment and apathetic personnel the UK military still possessed and were able to afford to replace from car boot sales and Pound Stretcher outlets – and the Jobcentre.

Such treasonable, albeit factually true, talk prompted a critical mass chain reaction outburst of dummy-spitting brazen hubris from the irate Scameron, so typical of his elitist and over-privileged class, stating for the public record, while totally devoid of any military training or battlefield strategy experience himself, that "There are moments when I wake up from one of my Irish power naps and read the newspapers and think: 'I’ll tell you what, you do the fighting and I'll do the talking'."

Last week, the chiefs of the RAF and Royal Navy imprudently questioned, in the public arena, whether the operation in Libya could be sustained now the Senior Service’s last aircraft carrier, the iconic Ark Royal, has been flogged off as a floating casino to some Third World shithole’s drug cartel via an e-Bay auction – with the proceeds going towards paying off the UK’s burgeoning IMF 'Debtocracy' burden - and financing the purchase of Big Pharma’s mercury-laden toxic vaccines to dose up and compromise the immune systems of stick insect sprogs in the pox-ridden Sudan and Ethiopia.

Apparently Sir Dinsdale later informed one reporter from the Warmongers Gazette that “All these bullshit statements by Tory ministers about Britain’s end of the Libyan fiasco costing no more than a few quid in loose change – which is purportedly set aside in some mythical ‘contingency fund’ - the bill is set to run into hundreds of millions of pounds – on bodybags and personal injury claims by wounded troopers alone – and never mind the bill for ordnance to maintain our current campaign of ‘humanitarian intervention’ to protect the civilian population.”

So, the cat was finally out of the bag – that the total cost of the UK's involvement in NATO's military action in Libya could cost multi-miilions, if not billions – with Sir Dinsdale’s revelation being confirmed by the ultra-naive ginger-mingin Treasury Secretary Danny Alexander, to a reporter from the Neo-Colonial Review – which prompted a further outburst from Scameron to Chancellor Georgie Osborne to “Tell that little ranga oick of yours to keep his big gob shut!”

Unfortunately Secretary Alexander, known to friends and associates alike as ‘Dozy Danny’ spilled the beans in entirety and admitted that while the Libya campaign was currently costing "ten million quid per day”, spending would rise as operations were stepped up to target every granny flat in Tripoli that might have been seconded as a missile battery by Gaddaffi’s forces.
This admission was wholly contradictory to the disingenuous statement released by the government previously who claimed the entire campaign was being met by a Treasury reserve ‘contingency fund’ – otherwise known as ‘taxpayer’s money’ and ‘public pension reserves’.

Regardless of Scameron’s denials, claiming that Danny Alexander didn’t know his arse from his elbow, and Air Chief Marshal Bogbrush had ‘supped’ too much of his prescription medication when he further revealed - “It’s no bloody wonder half the armed forces are opting for voluntary redundancy. Here we have an air force supposed to fly these Operation Ellamy bombing sorties over Libya to take out army posts disguised as Happy Hamid’s kebab outlets, hospitals and orphanages – while wholly devoid of the dubious luxury of a sea-based aircraft carrier runway - and have to fly up and down the Med’ to Italy to refuel. I mean to say, who’s got the crystal ball and planning these operations at the Ministry of Defence – Wiley T. Coyote, with back-up from Wallace and Gromit?”

Alas, and to compound Posh Dave’s festering chagrin, both Bogbrush’s and Danny Alexander’s embarrassing comments were later independently confirmed by the discovery of a wad of discarded top secret MoD briefing notes found dumped on Battersea’s Scumdale Hamlets landfill site.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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