Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Millipede Foot in Mouth Syndrome - Again

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Shit-for-brains Labour leader Ed Millipede (aka the Child Emissary from the Planet Fuckwit - in the Knobhead star system), informed disinterested members of the bourgeoisie Fabian Society that he won’t gloat over his party’s piss-ant by-election victory in Oldham (an ultra-cosmopolitan shithole of a Greater Manchester suburban slum) - totally missing the ironic point that Labour lost the general election last May due their incompetent (read ‘criminal’) management of the nation’s affairs over the previous thirteen years under the likes of Tony Bliar and Gormless Gordon Broon.

Specifically, for dragging us into two illegal invasions and foreign wars of occupation – and telling lots of porky pies over the real 9/11 culprits and their dodgy dossiers, then snuffing Dr Kelly and lying to us yet again by blaming it on a suicide – then carrying out the 7/7 false flag terrorist attacks against their own citizens to demonise Islam and scarify the public – and telling us more lies – then bankrupting our once sceptred isle – and telling us an even bigger bunch of lies.

Now this moron is deluding himself into believing Labour are back in favour with the British public just because they won a by-election in an insignificant dump like Oldham – which is not quite the representative seat of commercial and intellectual power, now is it?

Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron suffered furious repercussions from seething Tory backbenchers in the House of Conmans after the party’s dismal showing in the Oldham and East Shagnasty by-election, which they blamed on the PM deliberately running a low-key campaign to give Mick Clogg’s Lib-Dums more chance of winning and thus restore some of their recently diminished political dignity.

Douglas Arsesmell, the Tory MP for Twatford-on-the-Wold told one reporter from the Daily Shitraker that Conservative candidate Kashif Ali Jaffacake was “let down” by party leaders as he came in a distant third behind Labour’s Debbie Titwank.
Arsesmell further stated for the public record that “It’s usually a good idea that if you want to keep your political party in the top dog position that you make it clear you’re serious about trying to win aren't simply fucking the cat to make your ‘poor relative’ coalition partner look good.”

Former party chairman Lord Nobbitt of Sluggs Hole blasted Posh Dave, terming the defeat “a bag of cack” and labelling the Tory party chairman Baroness Slagella Warthog as “Baroness Bonkers”.

Labour’s Ed Millipede went on to later announce on Channel 69’s ‘Blabberwocky’ programme that the result sent a "clear message" to ministers about rising VAT, tuition fees and welfare cuts. However, the actual context of his ‘message’ Millipede failed to clarify or explain – apart from leaving a bad taste that this pathetic name-calling was aimed at pointing out that the public weren’t too happy with the Libservative’s efforts in sorting out 13 years of New Labour fuck-ups.

In Thursday's by-election, New Labour slut Debbie Titwank finished 3,558 votes ahead of the Lib Dems with 14,718 votes, and the Conservative’s Kashif Ali Jaffacake copped a grand total of 4,481 – which was significantly better than the Somalian Pirate Party who only clocked up 96 – or the Bus Pass Elvis Party with their mere 67.
However Lib-Dum candidate Elwyn Twatkins fractionally increased the party's vote share on the 2010 result from 31.6% at the general election to 31.9% - which in quantum mathematical terms is classed as “next to fuck all”.

The Greater Manchester by-election was called after a special court found ex-Labour Minister for Slander, Phil Woolyass, made false statements about Mr Twatkins in May's general election, in which Labour retained the seat by just 103 votes over the Lib-Dums through their established practice of ‘cheating’. This ruling invalidated the previous ballot count and resulted in Mr Woolyass being barred from politics for all eternity – if not longer.

Those Oldham and East Shagnasty by-election results in full:

Labour: 14,718 (42.1%)
Librarian-Dummercrats: 11,160 (31.9%)
Conservatives: 4,481 (12.8%)
UKIP: 2,029 (5.8%)
BNP: 1,560 (4.5%)
Green Party: 530 (1.5%)
Monster Raving Loony Party: 145 (0.4%)
English Democrats: 144 (0.4%)
Egg Custard Party: 117 (0.3%)
Somalian Pirate Party: 96 (0.2%)
Bus Pass Elvis Party: 67 (0.1%)

Thought for the day: The gospel according to Millipede’s faulty rhetoric thus equates that Labour, with a current 258 seats in parliament compared to the Tory’s 307, can force a general election if they commission a further set of Phil Woolyass clones to slander and libel a minimum of 106 opposition candidates at by-elections.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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