Duncan-Smith Slams Budget Cuts Fubar

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Utopian-sounding joke that has manifested as the Centre for Social Justice - a think-tank founded by the Tory’s only Japanese cabinet minister Iain Duncan-Smut - the incumbent MP for the London constiuencies of Slumdale Hamlets and British Racing Green - was established to echo the concerns of voters who are furious that services such as libraries, playgroups, hedgehog care homes and clap clinics are threatened with closure while the pet projects of the self-promoting political class survive.

The sanctimonious Duncan-Smut, a former Tory party ‘Ronin’ (Samurai pariah), claims that Libservative coalition ministers may be axing valuable public services while leaving time-wasting programmes (such as the Centre for Social Justice) unscathed as they attempt to milk £81 zillion quid from Britain’s dessicated, fubar economy.

The Centre for Social Justice study, given the fancy title of Outcomes Based Government, warns that ministers are too obsessed with changing the machinery of government and trying to reinvent the wheel instead of concentrating on what their intended purpose in the House of Conmans actually is – apart from conjuring up false expense statements.

The report states: “Politicians and officials are focusing predominantly on increases in government departments’ resources and activity (i.e. outputs) – specifically more high security prisons, more cheap labour immigrant hospital nurses, more Albanian au pair girls – rather than on the improvements in social outcomes which these resources are supposed to produce.”

One article in the Dog Wankers Gazette claims successive governments and the Shitehall mandarins have had the wrong objectives since the useless Twatcher was in power and de-industrialised the nation, creating a culture of job-seeking spongers who no longer give a flying fuck – juxtaposed with a generation of tele-marketing nerds and pukes that don’t know which end of reality is actually ‘up’.

Examples included: Labour’s New Deal programme, Gateway to Work, whose obsessive focus has been concentrated 100% on attendance and compliance figures and thus created a virtual penal system for policing those cast out of work by the bankster-engineered faux recession, while doing sweet fuck all to create any employment opportunities around the jobless landscape.

In a further instance, one pet project of Sir Irwin Bogbrush at the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money, has committed £1.2 zillion quid a year to being spent on tackling alcoholism and drug use - yet officials in charge of the programme are absolutely clueless if the programme is working or not.

Ms Fellattia van Gamm, chief secretary at the Centre for Social Justice, informed one gutter press hack from the Daily Shitraker “The cabinet ministers have their priorities wrong and this is being filtered down to local authority levels who, racist connotations aside, are robbing Peter from Preston to pay Pavel from Potsdam.”

In Leeds, Ms Mingeeter Titwank, chief troll for the idiotic Labour-run council, is proposing the insane absurdity of closing 19 care homes to offset the financing of insulating 90,000 homes for free - simply to appease and keep sweet the council’s two Green Party members - which Labour needs on their side to prop up its piss-poor minority rule.

In a similar vein of gross stupidity, East London’s Newham council, who, under the mismanagement of Mayor Sir Robin Scumm, have cultivated an administration that is little more than a personal fiefdom, and is planning to sack thousands of staff and cut back on its narcotic drugs programme to rehab’ addicts, but unscrupulously and with sleaze aforethought, splashed out £111 zillion quid for their opulent new Shitcreek Hamlets office block – which critics have compared to a West End brothel.

The Centre for Social Justice’s conclusions are being viewed as a warning to the Treasury to keep its meddling hands off the expensive Welfare-to-Work programme mapped out by Mr Duncan-Smutt – which has still to devise the missing key strategy – how to create jobs out of thin air.

Thought for the day: Andrew ‘Brillo Pad’ Neill, editor of the Fuckwits Review, today speculates, in his customary moronic fashion, that the UK is actually run by ‘a narrow social elite’.
Ha! – what the clot misses is the fact that a narrow social elite runs the entire world – with our current Tory-dominated silver spoon government comprised of an elitist fraternity who wallow in their absurd sense of entitlement and contemptuously consider we, the hapless peasant classes, as ‘oicks’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.