Sunday, 28 March 2010

Moat-Man Hogg: MP’s Underpaid

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - providing additional proof that this is definitely the month of the Mad March Hare.

Sir Dinsdale von Hogg - the avaricious Tory MP for Old Scrotum - whose moat dredging bills became a symbol of the House of Conmans dodgy expenses scandal and all that’s wrong with bent politicians in Britain - informed Ron Shylock, the embezzlement columnist for the Pound of Flesh Gazette, that an MP's annual salary of £65,000 is far too low.

Sir Dinsdale claims it should be increased by at least 50% - to attract people of ‘the right calibre’ into politics.
Que, con permiso Dinsdale? Please clarify that one – do you mean ‘honest’ people of the right calibre – or even more money-grubbing kleptomaniacs and career criminals like yourself perched on the green leather benches of the biggest doss house in Britain?

Hogg, a professional coprophagous bottom feeder, comes from a long line of inbred scumbags and is visibly afflicted by the abundance of mongrel genes in his dubious vaunted pedigree.
Nevertheless the Viscount considers himself to be Ubermench and arrogantly displays the self-proclaimed elite’s customary contempt for the human herd and general population by sneering at the local peasantry.

For Viscount Hogg, son of Quintin (ex-Lord Hailsham) is a silver spoon wunderkind and upper echelon Tory grandee – and considers himself a cut above the common sheeple as he inherited the 2,000 hectare Scumsters Hall country estate in his Greedshire constituency from his robber baron ancestors – a hereditary line of inbred mutant snobs that stretches back to Porcinellus von Gruntus – the 13th Century Teutonic founder of the English Hogg family.

Hogg, voted by his peers as the “Least Likely to Ever Be Known As A Man of The People” while at Eton, served as Minister for Garden Sheds in the Twatcher government. Over the years his money-grubbing habits have spurred various derogatory sobriquets – with the Viscount once being labeled as “a person the English language lacks the necessary words with which to describe him and his avaricious condition.”

However Hogg’s attitude is synonymous with the elitist political fraternity and their absurd sense of entitlement - that percentage of society who use far more than they need to live at a higher standard than those they are stealing from.

But Sir Dinsdale’s days of living high on the hog (pun intended) at the public’s expense are drawing to a close, for his Boss – Posh Dave Cameron – has given Dinsie the bullet and he is being forced to stand down from political life as a Tory MP at the next election. Precisely the ignominy he so justly deserves.

In his first public interview since the expenses scandal broke, the veteran Conservative MP for Old Scrotum told Ron Shylock from the Pound of Flesh Gazette that he didn’t even have a moat around Scumsters Hall and the claim was a misunderstanding made by the Parliamentary Fees Office as it was a ‘drainage ditch’ that he had dredged – totally ignoring the fact the dodgy expense claim was emblazoned with the word ‘MOAT’ - in capital letters – and also listed repairs to a ‘drawbridge’ and a ‘portcullis’.

Sadly the Crown Prosecution Service informed Frank Shyster, a journalist with the Scott Free Review, that there is insufficient evidence to proceed with charges of embezzlement from the public purse or Misconduct in Public Office - or prosecution under the statutes of the Serious Fraud Act 2006, or the Thieving Gits Act 1968 – even though Hogg has been ordered to repay mega-bucks claimed in expenses and has been categorised alongside society scumbags like tax evaders, benefit cheats, banksters, Scottish lawyers, Aberdeen paedophiles and sheep molesters.

Such are the perks of being a ranking Freemason and knowing all manner of funny handshakes.

However Hogg, who believes that anyone forced to live on £65,000 quid a year is existing on a pittance, maintains that MP’s salaries should be boosted by 50% to allow them to enjoy a better quality of life.

Quite right too, as £65 grand per annum definitely won’t pay for the upkeep of a 13th Century manor house and 2,000 hectare estate complete with its own lake. Nor will that paltry amount cover repairs to the stables or having horses re-shoed, nor the upkeep of gardens – and gardeners, nor cover the housekeeper’s salary – or her car’s running expenses – nor pay for piano tuners –or the ‘mole’ man – nor having a bumble bee’s nest nuked.

Further it definitely will not cover the costs of high maintenance assets like a Russian mistress such as Ms. Tekit Orloff - the famous celebrity Russian stripper and bottom-spanking Dominatrix. Thus it’s obvious why MP’s need their expenses.

Have you ever claimed expenses to have your country manor’s moat cleaned out? How about a floating island gazebo for your ducks? Ever claimed for a mortgage on a second home that doesn’t exist? £1500 quid for a vase like Harry McYidd of the Kikesters Party? How about your own personal flagpole? Porno DVD’s to keep your pervy hubby entertained? A London flat you don’t live in like Baroness Marzipan Pola Dacoit, the Minister for Takeaways? A couple of £ grand £ on toyboys like Iris Slobinson?

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Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If an MP shits on his own doorstep, can he claim to have it cleaned up?

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