Fudgers Barred From B & B

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill - with additional proof that this is the month of the Mad March Hare.

A middle-aged gay couple were turned away from a Smegmadale-on-Sea guest house by the lady owner who said it was "against her religious beliefs and moral convictions" for two men to share a bed – especially so in the Biblical sense.

Rupert Slippon and his Italian partner Lucio (call me Nancy) Faggerotti, from Cockhampton in Gomorrahshire had booked a double room – with a pretty sea view - at the Cottagers B & B on Fudger’s Lane for the weekend.

However when they arrived the guest house owner, Mrs. Feryl Beryl McTwatt, refused to let them stay, stating it was against her policy to accommodate same sex couples - neither ‘ginger beers or rug munchers’.

The poofy pair then spat the dummy and reported the incident to the Smegmashire Valley Police, claiming they had been sexually discriminated against – especially Lucio who was kitted out in his Sunday best gold lame and silks.

Under the Equality Act 2006 it is illegal to discriminate against people on the grounds of sexual orientation – even if the Bible clearly states God’s personal view that homosexuality is a sin and to be condemned – and that poofters are ‘an abomination’ and should be ‘put to death’ then ‘cast into the fires of Hell and suffer eternal damnation’.

Conversely Mrs McTwatt informed the Sphincter Stretchers Gazette “When Mr Slippon made the booking last month he told me it were for a double room for him and his Italian partner Nancy – then he turns up with this transvestite Guinea greaseball called Lucio.”

“I mean, I think it’s an effin’ disgrace – grown men stickin’ their tadgers up each others arses and suckin’ another bloke’s cock. I’m not havin’ them kippin’ in my beds an’ getting’ shit all over me nice pastel coloured sheets - an' leavin’ God knows what type of AIDS an’ clap infections on the bog seats.”
“What is wrong with these blokes – don’t they like the taste an’ feel of real pussy?”

“I seem ter remember when I were a girl that it were illegal in this country for two blokes ter carry on like that – shaggin’ each other.”
”Now, since that New Gay Labour party got inter power then yer can’t say anythin’ against the buggerin’ sods – an’ just look at what Parliaments full of today – thievin’ poofters and dykes.”

Speaking with the Catamites Review, Rupert and ‘Nancy’ explained “We came down for our gay friend’s wedding at the local St Sodom’s Church for Latter Day Gynanders on the Saturday as Nancy was being a bridesmaid, but when we walked into the Cottagers B & B Mrs. McTwatt told us – quite unceremoniously - to “piss off”.

“Well, what a commotion, Nancy started crying and I asked Mrs McTwatt if we could sleep in the barn round the back and she said we might bugger one of her sheep or molest her geese.”
“Then Nancy had an anxiety attack as her mascara was running so we drove off and reported the matter at the local police station – and lucky us - there was this peachy young constable on desk duty and he let us stay in one of his nice cells overnight.”

Mrs McTwat, who is due to appear in court next week to face a charge of sexual discrimination under the statutes of the 2006 Equality Act claims she will plead ‘not guilty’ as there was nothing ‘gay’ about Rupert and ‘Nancy’ as they were a pair of raving faggot perverts – with Nancy impersonating a woman.

“Anyways, I’m puttin’ a big sign up in me front window – with a whoopin’ quote outa the Bible “No buggery allowed on these premises” – that should put ‘em off comin’ here an’ tryin’ ter indulge in their unnatural lusts, don’t yer think.”

Allergy warning : This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area of homophobia and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references attributed to Bono.