Friday, 5 March 2010

Pompous Krauts Tell Greeks – Sell the Acropolis

Once again, the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.

The ultimately brazen German delegation currently inhabiting the EUSSR’s hallowed Halls of Official Corruption in Brussels have demanded that the inept government of a freshly-bankrupt Greece start selling off their 5,773 ‘uninhabited’ islands in the Aegean and Ionian Seas to raise money and pay off its burgeoning debts that are pulling down the value of the battered Euro – and making the rest of the community look like a bunch of retarded krunts.

The current disparaging gospels being broadcast by the Brussels-based political allies of German Chancellor Angela Wankel state that Greece should start auctioning off the uninhabited islands to cut its financial encumbrances and curtail national insolvency – before it spreads like an economic contagion and infects the rest of the bloated European super-state that has so far survived more on scent than actual substance.

German MEPs Gertrude Schweinenslippe, a senior member of Chancellor Wankel's Christian Fat Cats Party – along with Franz Scheissefegger of the Holohoax Deniers Party - informed ‘Der Grunter’ that the Greek state should sell stakes in all its assets to raise more cash.
"Auction off your spare islands, you bankrupt Greeks - and the Acropolis too!" declares the insolent banner headline in the gutter press tabloid ‘Der Grunter’.

While typical of bellicose Kraut arrogance - bearing in mind the Acropolis is classified as a UNESCO World Heritage site - the Parthenon, Erechtheum and the Propyleae are reckoned to be a builder’s nightmare for restoration and turning into modern-day tourist attractions – such as hotels, casinos, night clubs and brothels – especially so considering the fact none of the structures were ever designed for en suite bathrooms and flush crappers – nor gas and electricity.

Suggestions that a full restoration programme could benefit from the latest and greatest in carbon credit cap n trade exchange brownie points (and mega-bucks loans) – thus employing clean n green hi-tech power systems such as wind turbines, solar panels and geothermal heating – were given the big finger by the Athens-based Department of Antiquities who informed the Slum Dwellers Gazette “We like our archaeology and ruins looking just the way they are - old and fucked up – not brand spanking new.”

However Greek Prime Minister Kostas Fukinopolis and members of his belaugered cabinet reacted with caustic vehemence to the German hubris - expressing their views to Pox News with a unanimous “Who the fuck are we going to sell the islands to?”

“There’s only oil-rich Arabs, exiled Russian oligarch zillionaires and Third World dictators looking for a future hidey hole that are likely to have the up-front cash to afford their own island – and most of them have bought one already.”

Conversely, the blue waters of the Aegean are some of the country's most valuable assets – comprised of 6,000-odd islands, of which only 227 are inhabited – and the majority of those are already privately owned by that arrogant elitist 1% super-rich comprising our corrupt global society who consider themselves worthier of reward and seem to require far more than they need to live at a higher standard than the common poverty-stricken peasants their dynasties have spent millenniums stealing from.

Kraut MEP Gertrude Schweinenslippe, applying her customary haughty logic, told the Greek delegation at the Brussels economic summit that they should begin by selling their half of Cyprus back to Turkey – whom it really belongs to anyway – and still remains an intractable political problem plaguing relations between the two countries – with Turkey ending up with the eastern, ‘thin end of the wedge’ – so to speak – following independence from the British colonialists in 1960.

According to one specialised real-estate website, while the Greek islands evoke images of sunglass-sporting deposed dictators and drug lords slurping flutes of Dom Perignon champagne and shagging trios of tanned, blonde nymphomaniacs on enormous yachts, the reality is your own personalised island could cost as little as US$2 million (£1.3 million quid) – including the odd village full of ouzo-swilling Zorba look-alikes, fat arsed grannies with abysmal dentistry - and a few goats.

Relatively affordable to say the least – unless, of course, you're a bankrupt Greek peasant with a credit rating of minus zero.

Rumours that the United States Secretary of Sleaze Hilarious Rodent Clinton has dug into her offshore criminal earnings from the Arkansas Shitewater scams and the Mena Mafia drug money to launch a bid for the Aegean island of Lesbos - as a vacation hideaway to accommodate her Sapphic dildoing friends - still remain rumours.

Would you buy a Greek island? How about Mount Olympus? Could you claim Greek citizenship? Would you qualify for UK non-dom’ tax exemption status? Are Greek women really three-holers? Do Tesco’s and Pizza Hut have a home delivery service around the Ionian Sea?

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees, small furry mammals – or delicate Greek sensibilities – were disturbed in posting this message. However, a large number of pompous Germans were temporarily upset.

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