Sunday, 7 March 2010

New Texan Method of Oral Contraception

Once again, the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.

A novel approach to behavioural engineering that was presented at a local middle school in Ditchcock, Texas last week has sparked an irate parent reaction.

The school in Red Neck County, located between Scumdale and Crapperville, is mainly inhabited by unemployed honky trailer park trash whose top IQ ratings rarely exceed 50 – upwind on a clear day.

Last Thursday, Ms. Fellattia van der Gobble, a 65-year old black female school board trustee and member of the Common Purpose social engineering (brainwashing) group, arrived at Ditchcock High to give a '’Girls Only’ motivational talk to 6th-8th grade girls, ages 10-14, in the main assembly hall.

Ms. van der Gobble proceeded with a graphic speech about how to avoid pregnancy by having oral sex. Two 12-year old girls – Sapphie and Lezzie - presented an erotic sketch with a demonstration of ‘blowing’ a nine inch pink strap-on dildo – the Dirty Dyke’s Delight ejaculator model rigged with a scrotum and squeezy balls that can be filled with ersatz semen – or condensed milk and mayonnaise – to simulate a cock ‘shooting the fat’.

However the so-called ‘motivational speech’ had been approved as it was purportedly to focus on TAKS testing but which the self-outed gay Ms van der Gobble turned into an explicit talk about sex – applying wholly inappropriate descriptive methods.

Once her sordid and controversial ‘talk’ was done – and before dismissing the students – Ms van der Gobble warned them not to tell their parents about the speech or its content – then proceeded to give a thank you kiss (deep tonguing) to the student pair who had performed the suck n spit demonstration with the dildo.

Unfortunately for Ms van der Gobble the majority of the girls did tell their parents.

One mother, Chlamydia Muffrot, was interviewed on KRAP-TV news, and stated her 10-year-old daughter Candida was at the assembly and is now emotionally devastated.
Apparently Candida arrived home in tears and suffering bouts of vomiting, then related “Mummy! Mummy! That old lesbo golly bitch Fellattia van der Gobble says we’ve got to suck boy’s cocks so we won’t get preggers. Do we really have to swallow all that sticky white stuff?”

The Red Neck County schools authority has been flooded with complaint calls and e-mails from outraged parents who were unaware of the presentation until their traumatised, pubescent daughters arrived home in tears.

Titsy Trollenberg told one reporter for the Texas Shitraker "My 11-year old daughter Feryl Beryl is very humiliated and asked me outright “Is that what Barbie Doll has to do for Ken?”

However the schools authority board remains split on opinions regarding Ms van der Gobble’s ‘motivational chat’. While the male board members are defending her unapproved actions, the ‘straight’ female segment are siding with parents.

One board mother told KRAP-TV "Fellattia didn't have our permission to talk about anything other than the TAKS tests – and especially not brainwashing young girls into ‘suck n swallow’ oral sex with their boyfriends," claimed Rita Skank, whose 12-year-old daughter Dinky was present during the discussion.

"I think part of her innocence was taken last Thursday as she’s not had her thumb out of her mouth since - plus I caught her ‘sexperimenting’ and trying to gulp down a huge mouthful of mayo’ the other evening while sucking on a banana."

Interestingly, the sodomites and kiddie fiddling clerics assigned to the churches of Red Neck County - and charged with administering to the spiritual needs of the congregations whose daughters were traumatized - have been completely silent throughout the controversy to date.

Speaking candidly to KRAP-TV from her protective custody cell at the Ditchcock Sheriff’s office, Fellattia van der Gobble related that “Dis is de best method goin’ to avoid pregnancy fer dese girls if dere boyfriends is tryin’ ter git inter dere knickers – either suck n spit or suck n swallow. Hellfire, de spunk ain’t fattenin’ none.”

Ms van der Gobble, who moved to Red Neck from Incest County in Arkansas several years ago following the 'black-on-white' Mena lesbian scandal, confided “I bin done suckin’ cock since I was knee-high – fer ma brothers and ma Uncle Possum – it woz either dat or takin’ it up de ass.”

“An’ all dat started when I woz jest ten years old an’ ma Daddy sez to ma brothers “Dat girl is so stupid I’m gonna stick ma cock in her ear an fuck some sense inter her” – which he did – an dat’s why I’m such a smarty pants today – even if it done screwed up ma hearin’ wid all dat sticky white ear wax.”

Allergy warning : This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits in the woods and there’s no-one around to smell it, does it still stink?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.