Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Slim Jim Okays McD’s Chew n Spew

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.

Slim Jim Porkenstein, the anorexic CEO of Fat Twats World (SA) has officially endorsed Kiwi McSluggets as a "healthy meal option" in down-under New Zealand, where McD's Chew n Spew fast food outlets will begin carrying the official ‘Fat Twats World’ logo on all its greasy high cholesterol menu items.

This weird and bizarre promo’ decision has now made Fat Twats the laughing stock of the slimming and fitness community where nutrition and weight loss advisers and trainers only use the terms ‘Chew n Spew fast food" and "slimming diet" in the same sentence derisively.

According to one report in today’s Slobs n Blobs Review, Slim Jim claims "As part of the deal, which is the first of its kind in the world, the Chew n Spew franchise will use the Fat Twats logo on its menu boards and in reciprocation Fat Twats will promote the Chew n Spew menu to dieters."
“Hey, it might well amount to a shitpile of hypocrisy but this is business – and if you put on a heap of flab then sue us.”

Fellattia van der Gobble, an internationally-renown nutritionist, not surprisingly, told a reporter from the Couch Spuds Gazette she was flabbergasted at the idiotic announcement.

“Really, the idea of eating at Chew n Spew fast food outlets to lose weight is as effin’ ridiculous as a weight watchers diet of fried food, cream cakes and draught Guinness - and anyone who believes that eating Kiwi McSluggets will assist in any weight loss programme is definitely one McSlugget short of a Happy Meal.”

“Has Fat Twats World suddenly gone totally bonkers and adopted a complete reversal of marketing strategy from being a slimming / weight loss / healthy diets orientated corporation to one promoting ‘Fat is Beautiful’?”

“Considering past campaigns run by Fat Twats World have derided the unhealthy Bad McHabits lard arse diets that are simply based on snarfing down factory-farmed meaty bits and offal chopped off dead animals - like pigs, chickens, cows – and now these battery-raised kiwis – bred in concentration camp conditions that might more accurately be called "Cowschwitz.”

However, as we live in a world where corporate greed and promotional lies are disgusting at best and criminal at worst, what else might we expect from the sales propaganda teams marketing the poison – or a government voted into office to supposedly regulate such abominable corrupt practices. Ha, don’t we just wish.

We no longer have a National Health Service there for ‘prevention’ but a collection of National Ill-Health / Sickness Service trusts promoted by Big Corporate Pharma’ who don’t want to cure our ills – just continue to treat them.

Thus the spin or win propaganda ‘doctors’ – pretty gay types in white coats on TV – recommend we take psychotropic drugs to make us happy – and that chemotherapy will cure cancer once it’s trounced your complete immune system - and now we hear that eating Chew n Spew fast food will make you lose weight.

The TV ad’s tell our kids that sugary junk drinks will give them "energy", yet that ‘sugarless’ products are also good for you – and chocker full of the artificial sweetener neuro-toxin ‘aspartame’.
Just the same story with fluoride in toothpaste – and drinking water - a toxic waste product from the fertiliser and aluminium industry that is ‘not’ good for teeth – or health – and was used by the Nazi in their concentration camps to ‘dumb down’ the inmate populations.

Further, the asinine statement that toxic vaccines are necessary for your immune system to work correctly but vitamin supplements are dangerous, and - without a single mention of Vitamin D (or rickets and osteomalacia) - that sunlight causes squamous-basal skin cancer, accelerated ageing, and melanoma.

Allergy warning : This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of gross exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees, small furry mammals – or kiwis - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Thought for the day: If a bear wanders into a Chew n Spew outlet and shits on the burger hotplate would anyone really notice?

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