One hapless father who took a ‘memory lane’ picture of his son for posterity while they were out shopping was accused of being a raving paedophile and threatened with arrest by the one of the mall’s moronic security guards.
Ronnie Fuctifino had taken his five-year-old son Shirley to the Freddy Fuckwit Shopping Centre at Smegmadale-on-Sea to spend £10 the boy had been given as a birthday treat by their next door neighbour Ghengis McSodom.
Ronnie told Pox News: "Shirley spotted a children's ride wot had a train on it an’ wanted ter have a go cos he's obsessed wiv anything to do wiv Jimmy Choo Choo and wants ter be a train driver when he eventually grows up.”
"So there’s Shirley goin’ round an’ round an’ me missus, Feryl Beryl, sez “Let’s take a picture of him fer the album on Facebook.”
"Well I takes a piccy wiv me new I-phone like she sez an’ then this security guard gorilla from Renta-Thug comes lopin’ over an’ sez ter me “Wot the fuck yer doin’ bollocks? Yer can’t take photos of little kids cos yer probably one of them effin’ paedo perverts like wot they teach us all about at Common Purpose.”
"Anyways I sez ter him that Shirley’s me own son an’ he comes back wiv “Prove it, punk!”
“So then I sez – ‘Okay, where do I get me DNA checked in this shithole store of yours like?”
“Then he sez they got a real problem with paedo’s comin’ in the mall on kiddie fiddlin’ excursions an’ that if I didn't like it, he'd call the manager and the plods an’ have me arrested.”
“Next thing me an’ the missus an’ young Shirley are walkin’ out of the mall an’ these two plastic plods come over an’ Taser me and clip the cuffs on an’ try ter drag me off ter the slammer – an’ the missus is goin’ effin’ bonkers an’ sticks the nut on ‘em both an’ flattens the sad poofy twats.”
“Then the shit really hits the fan an’ she gets Tasered as well an’ we end up double-bunked in a police cell together an’ Shirley gets put in care an’ sent ter the Ferryhill Orphanage in Aberdeen cos the social services reckon we’re not fit ter be parents.”
When contacted by the Daily Shitraker, Fellattia Gammer, a spokeswoman for the Freddy Fuckwit Shopping Centre, told a reporter "We take all HSE matters and kiddie safety at our shopping centres very seriously and all our security guards from Renta-Thug are thoroughly vetted and brainwashed by Common Purpose prior to deployment.”
The Orwellian Big Brother social engineering group Common Purpose - who give the term ‘politically correct’ a certain stench – is a one of the Illuminati’s Kafkaesque New World Order phenomenons and definitely not to be confused with the sea-going mammal’s charity - Common Porpoise.
Regardless of losing his parents and being shoved into care in the paedophile-friendly haven of Aberdeen, little Shirley still want to be an engine driver with Jimmy Choo Choo’s Rattle Track train service - and definitely not a shit-for-brains security guard.
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