UK Peasants get Pay Freeze - but not MPs

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.

Just to rub the recession-hit public’s noses in the smelly brown stuff yet again, MPs in the House of Conmans – that legislative section of society who love to lord it over us and look down on the common peasants in contempt – no longer satisfied with their padded expense accounts - and now being prohibited from claiming for gold plated toilet tissue and monogrammed duck islands - have been awarded a salary increase of £1,000 – each – to offset the roaring ravages of inflation and other hardships incurred by the global recession.

MPs will get a rise of £1,000 quid in their ‘basic’ salary from the 1st of April 2010, taking their pay to £65,737 a year.
The 1.5% increase is ill-timed to be juxtaposed with the recent outrage concerning the abuse by MPs' dodgy expense claims coupled with anger throughout the public sector unions at pay freezes imposed on lesser mortals.

Fury is building amongst the unemployed and homeless peasant classes towards a critical mass state and a violent chain reaction set to detonate against this arrogant elitist section of our corrupt society who consider themselves more worthy of reward – and subsequently consume far more than they actually require to live at a higher standard than the dumb sheeple they have been stealing from for centuries.

However, according to the ruling philosophy upon which Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle is based, we don’t know shit from shinola – whereas our MPs do – hence the reasoning that supports their claim for an Oliver twist style request for ‘More’.

Candida Twatrot, spokeswoman for the Local Government Association, informed a reporter from the Scandalmongers Gazette that 1.4 million workers in England, Wales, Northern Ireland and Rockall will get no rise as authorities try to protect front-line priority public services – such as painting hi-viz white circles around pot holes - and thus minimise job losses.

Whereas this elitist fraternity of MPs, motivated by their absurd sense of entitlement, will pick up a £1,000 quid apiece – bringing their annual pre-tax tally to £65 grand – approximately double the amount a husband and wife blue collar team can earn in a year - even with lashings of overtime piled on top.

While Downing Street’s spin-or-win doctors have been quick off the mark to point out that Ministers will decline any pay raise, either in their basic MPs pay or their additional ministerial salaries, it should be remembered that the Cabinet scumbags get an extra £79,754 per year – on top of their £64,000-odd quid, giving them a total salary of £144,520 – plus expenses and sweet deal lobbyist -directorship honorariums.

Number 10 spokeswoman Fellattia Gammer told Pox News "The prime minister has been made wholly aware that we need to strengthen public confidence in Britain’s traditionally corrupt political system and reduce the cost of politics and the affairs of state – possibly by closing down the House of Lords and firing the Queen and her parasitic family of hangers-on and career spongers leeching the public purse."

Tory leader Posh Dave Cameron warned party MPs they would have to "take a lead" in bringing down costs if – by some quirk of fate - they won power at May’s general election - following reports he intended to put his foot down with a firm hand and cut ministerial pay by up to £5 quid per week.

Ghengis McTwat, general secretary of public sector workers' union SLEAZE, informed a reporter from the Daily Shitraker "These hypocrite MP scumsters should listen ter their own speeches an’ seminars calling fer pay restraint in the public sector an’ consider the damage they’ve done to morale and public confidence."

“It’s all bollocks that MPs can get a 1.5% pay increase - worth £1,000 quid a year on basic pay - when low-paid public workers like binmen, plastic plods, lollipop ladies, court bailiffs an’ pothole painters will get sweet eff all cos their pay’s been frozen til the end of time.”

Allergy warning : This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel.