Sunday, 1 August 2010

Dirty Deals Hit Dorset NHS Trusts

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The recent publication of Dorset County Hospital Trust's annual report reveals that a certain Mr Derek Leech was paid £248,041 for 97 days work plus £19,539 in travel and food expenses – with the hospital trust blatantly defending this bloated remuneration of £2,557 a day to its interim chief executive officer while trying to cut £20 million quid from its current 2010/2011 budget.

Candida Quimrot, a DCH Trust whistleblower working for Ox-Rat, the snitch and grassers charity, told one reporter from the Scandalmongers Gazette that immigrant staff from across Eastern Europe sweating their bollocks off for a minimum wage at the hospital might well be reduced to a collective state of ‘shock and awe’ at the outrageous disparity in their salaries.

However the Hospital Trust’s interim chairman Dr Jeffrey Greedstein, on loan from the Bottomfeeders SA quango, claimed a predicted budget deficit of £17 million quid for 2011/12 had been reduced to "break even" since Mr Leech’s appointment – which placed the huge daily rate spending into context as half the Trust staff now faced a ten year wage freeze - plus a 25% reduction in nurses.

Further, on the subject of exorbitant salaries and daily contract rates lavished with copious garnishings of expenses, the Trust also spent £1,230 per day on their interim "turnaround director" James Shitto of Jobsworths for 90 days work, with £8,802 in expenses piled on top like a Walls 99 triple scoop ice cream cone with hundreds and thousands (of £££ pounds).

Interim director of finance Terry Wanker from Parasites Consulting cost £1,194 a day for 158 days work, with an extra £16,755 in expenses.
Meanwhile interim director of human resources Tracey Scumm was paid £663 a day for 174 days work, with an extra £4,040 expenses – simply for sitting on her fat arse, painting her fingernails and using a Suduko computer programme to randomly select which of the Trust staff to fire first.

Conversely Sapphie Dildodo, regional head of health at Unison, told Fux News "The idea that you pay a manager £2,557 a day when the hospital is desperate to save money is ludicrous – then claiming an extra £20,000 in expenses is adding insult to injury.”
"Most nurses earn around £1,800 a month gross and to see someone earning hundreds of pounds more than that for just one day would even make a big brown dog spew."

“Dr Jeffrey Greedstein might well attempt to justify these exorbitant daily rates and expenses with disingenuous explanations. Conversely in our opinion, within the English lexicon of 250,000-plus words indexed there is no single one to accurately describe him – however the word CUNT does come reasonably close.”

Meanwhile plans to axe up to 200 staff at the hospital were shelved in February when said staff got fed up with the Trust’s ‘shagging the cat’ attitude and buggered off back to their respective ex-Eastern bloc shitholes in Europe – with a veritable horde of hospital patients going along too.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

No comments: