Cat’s Outa de Bag – Thanks to CCTV

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The psychotic moggy-hater who tossed poor Tiddles the cat into a Coventry wheelie bin might well have her infraction of the Bible’s moral code ignored by the local Plod Squad who claim she’s hasn’t committed a crime. However she’s in the RSPCA’s retribution sights for cruelty to an animal – plus those of the local council too - for dumping a live animal into a ‘green’ wheelie bin strictly reserved for garden waste – which carries a £75 quid on the spot fine.

Manky moggy mauler Mary McScum of Shitbag Terraces, Coventry, yesterday admitted dumping a family's pet puss into a wheelie bin - but declared “So wot’s all the fuckin’ fuss about – it’s only an effin’ cat."
“Only a cat” regardless, the lard-arsed spinster faces a likely RSPCA prosecution after the shock CCTV footage shows her looking around as she petted the cat into a false sense of security, ensuring nobody was watching, then tossing the hapless feline into an adjacent wheelie bin – where it was trapped for 15 hours - an act she now claims was done for a ‘bit of a laugh’.

Millions of animal lovers were sickened by the video after it was posted on the internet and pet aficionados from as far away as Afghanistan, New Zealand, Tahiti, Iceland and Tierra del Fuego have since levelled online death threats.
McScum has also been warned her name has been added to an Al Qaeda hit list – plus she’s had an Islamic fatwa (death sentence) issued against her by the moggy-loving Imam of Islamabad, who lost his pet puss in the recent floods.

Police empathy might be lacking for the ordeal of Tiddles, yet contrarily their concern for the welfare and safety of the dastardly moggy abuser grew as her personal details were posted online and a Facebook group demanded "Death to Mary McScum" – with one post urging "This woman should have her wrists slashed with a blunt gardening knife then get her arse dumped in a wheelie bin up in the Grassy Knoll Woods where nobody can hear her screams."

One reporter and his camera crew from the Daily Shitraker tracked down 45-year-old McScum to her Shitbag Terraces home on Coventry’s Asbo Central Housing Estate - less than half a mile from where she grabbed and assaulted Tiddles the cat.
However when questioned by the reporter for the reasons prompting her cruel act, the psychopathic McScum, a customer services assistant at the Royal Bank of Shitland, threw back her head and laughed hysterically, before stating for the record “You bastards are abusing my human rights puttin’ this fuckin’ CCTV video footage on the internet so its seen around the world. This shit is unbelievable. I'm a very private person and don't want people filmin’ me on spy cameras when I’m out fer a bit of moggy baitin’”

McScum now faces losing her job at the Royal Bank of Shitland, telling amused reporters "I've had me effin’ boss ringin’ up every five fuckin’ minutes ter ask me wot the fuck’s happenin’ an’ I've had ter talk ter the bank's security people about wot the fuck ter do if the nutters wot’s seen the CCTV on Facebook an’ YouTube come round ter snuff me or throw a bomb through me effin’ winders.”

“That’s the only bit of real pleasure I gets in me life –torturin’ small furry animals – apart from refusin’ people’s bank loan applications an’ foreclosin’ on their mortgages cos they’re a month late with the payments. Considerin’ all the shit I’m getting’ over this I wish I'd never set eyes on the cat.”

Hmmm, much as the cat no doubt feels about Ms McScum, after suffering a 15 hour bout incarcerated in a wheelie bin.

McScum was caught on CCTV cameras rigged up by Tiddle's owners Steph and Dilbert Fuctifino for additional household security. In a bid to trace the culprit, Steph, a seventeen-year old mother of three, posted the video on YouTube, where it has been viewed by more than 100,000 people in the UK alone – and a total of 175 million world-wide.

Steph Fuctifino urged the West Midlands Plod Squad to stop spying on Paki’ terrorist suspects and take a real villain – McScum – to court for a change - for animal cruelty, stating: "To think someone living near us could be a closet psychopath and do this gives me the goosebumps. What’s she thinking of next – dumping someone’s baby in a wheelie bin?"

Described by work colleagues and neighbours alike as being as much fun as a course of chemotherapy – and “a cunt in cunt’s clothing”, apparently McScum claims to be partially disabled due being born without a personality.

Thought for the day: Who do you think let the cat out of the bag?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.