Politically Incorrect Words: Addict and Junkie

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Following a six month study into drug and alcohol abuse commissioned by the EUSSR’s Brussels’ based Ministry for Wasting Time & Money and expedited by the UK Drug Policy Commission, a report has just been released claiming such names as ‘addict’, ‘junkie’ or ‘alkie’ stigmatised users and make it more difficult to get off drugs or the booze.

Authors of the study claim the terms "junkie" and "addict" were distrustful and judgmental and led to feelings of low self-esteem among drug users – especially if they were on a ‘come down’ and didn’t have another fix handy.

The report suggested that the policing of drugs on the streets - and methadone programmes forcing users to go to chemists - were "publicly humiliating".
Instead, the report stated that British society needs to show more compassion towards drug users - and their prescription ‘alternatives’ should be delivered by first class post to the privacy of their own squats, hovels or drug dens.

The report recommends the government must tackle what it calls the extreme prejudice against drug users if it is to succeed in getting ‘addicts’ off benefits, back into work and playing a contributory role in society. Unfortunately the report totally fails to address the lack of reality inherent in their suggestions.

One of the report’s authors, Dr Fellattia Titwank of Smegmadale University, informed a hack from the Daily Bifta gutter press tabloid "There is no getting away from the fact that our current society is prejudiced towards people who abuse drugs and alcohol – just as they are towards Pikey swan roasters, welfare benefit cheats and kiddie fiddlers – and Manchester City supporters.”
“However, it’s imperative that people stop referring to users as junkies or addicts or alkies or dipso’s - and labelling them as mentally and morally unfit to be members of polite society. This is all so politically incorrect.”

So, within the Oxford English Dictionary, with it’s index of over 250,000 entries and definitions, what fitting word, might we ask, is to be substituted for a person who has such a compelling and ruinous ‘addiction’ if the word ‘addict’ is considered politically incorrect and hence no longer appropriate? Aficionado, devotee, enthusiast, connoisseur, fancier, zealot or habitué?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or methadone.