BP Caught Telling Mega-Porkies

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Seven Sisters oil giant BP – about as popular as a leper at a christening at the best of times – has broken the 11th Commandment – ‘Thou Shalt Not Get Found Out’ - and been caught telling massive porkie pies concerning the actual status and discharge flow rate of the gushing oil leak caused by a British Navy submarine torpedoing the Transocean Deepshit Horizon drilling rig’s wellhead – to create a social-engineering eco-disaster to serve the New World Order agenda.

More lies are being churned out of the Prevarication Mill to counter the legions of awkward questions that are being raised over the bill of health of the Gulf waters, the surrounding coastlines, and sea life (oysters, mussels, shrimps, crabs, fish etc et al) – contaminated with crude oil, methyl hydrates and the highly toxic Coreshite 9500 and 9527 oil dispersants – present on the surface and accumulated on the sea bed (and in the bicuspids and crustaceans) – which BP now claim are back to their original (sic) pristine condition.

Complicit in these coverup crimes is the entire US government for suppressing the truth and conniving with BP to criminally deceive the public into believing the coastal zones are safe to swim and fish - and the sea food fit for human consumption.
Those guilty of this mass cover-up also includes the entire Zionist –owned TV and press media, the judiciary and police departments involved - plus the US Coast Guard – all of whom have become tainted by Mammon’s lucre.

As if to kick start the week with a pack of lies, on Monday, August 9th, the Director of the State of Mississippi Department of Marine Resources Billy Bob Dorkberger, despite ongoing reports of tar balls, oil and dispersants being found in Mississippi coastal waters and on the sea bed, declared, "there should be no new threats - the Gulf coastal waters are safe and clean" – and issued an order for all local coast governments to halt ongoing oil disaster work being funded from the $25 million bucks BP had allocated to Mississippi state administration for local government disaster work.

Dorkberger’s statement comes in the face of reports by fishermen and scientists of discovering oil slicks and massive fish and sea bird kills near Cat Island and in the Mississippi Sound - and also submerged oil plumes in Pass Christian – with the Coreshite 9500 and 9527 contamination present in all samples – and potent enough to kill a big brown dog.
Mississippi residents and fishermen alike believe Dorkberger's move stems from an order given by Governor Haley Bagashit, who has been heavily criticized over the years for his lobbying on behalf of the Tobacco and Oil industries – and recently being seen walking around wearing a BP baseball cap.

However, and perhaps unsurprisingly, considering the graft and corruption so inherent in US politics, while a mere $500,000 worth of invoices for oil response work have been submitted to the state of Mississippi nobody seems to know the whereabouts of the remaining $24,500,000 – plus change.

To emphasise the fact that misery loves company and if it wasn’t for bad luck then BP wouldn’t have any, the NOAA has been under fire from independent scientists and Congress for its dodgy wildcat conclusions and failing to explain how it processed the raw data and methodology to arrive at its disingenuous calculations – hence fuelling the speculation they have been deliberately concealing negative data and spinning the science of the oil spill.

White House claims that the worst of the BP oil spill was over were undermined yesterday when a senior government scientist finally admitted the blatantly – and visibly – obvious fact - that three-quarters of the oil is still in the Gulf environment and huge plumes of oil have been detected floating, suspended, in the ocean depths.
This was a 180 degree about-face in departing from their official statement of two weeks ago which declared the majority of the oil had been captured or broken down – complying with the NOAA admission that it is still in the environment and actively polluting all sea life.

Professor Sheldon Weaselberg, a senior scientist at the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration, conceded that the Coreshite 9500 and 9527 toxic dispersants had been used to ‘sink’ the surface oil slicks which had now accumulated in submerged ‘floating’ masses - and on the Gulf sea bed – admitting the veracity of one independent environment report from Ox-Rat, the international eco-watchdog, that a gigantic super-toxic oil plume the size of Manhattan - 22 miles long by 1.2 miles wide and 650 feet thick - was suspended in the Gulf waters off the Mississippi coastline.

As shrimper Uncle Cletus Jaffacake of Biloxi told Truthout “It’s all a pile of bullshit wot dese government bitches is spoutin’ – ya see dat O’Barmy guy – de Kenyan cuckoo wot’s squattin’ in de White House – de Mista Hope an’ Change hypocrite – takin a swim in de Gulf – but he’s round at some private beach in Florida.”
“Red eyes an’ sore throats be fucked - clearin’ dis shit up off de beaches fer minimum wage an’ dey fire ya sad ass if ya wear a breathin’ mask. Y’all jest wait until de galloping cancerous tumours start ter sprout an' rot ya organs - an’ de DNA damage shows up in de next generation ter be born – an’ all de kids is lookin’ like Blinkie - and sterile ter boot. An’ do BP or de government really give a flyin’ fuck if we all die? Hell no.”
“Hey, no shit, we’s all gonna be starved ter death by then anyways without de Gulf ter supply our livelihoods an’ food.”

Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.