Skewed News Views Tittle-Tattle

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Notorious Kiddie Fiddler Shamed

Police officers from London’s elite Perv Squad today gave each other an Israeli Mossad 9/11 style ‘Hi-five Hymie’ congratulatory palm slap outside Marylebone Magistrates Court after securing the conviction of a notorious underground paedophile that preyed on children around Wimbledon Common – seducing them with sherbet lemons and his special treat ‘gob stoppers’.

Publicly shamed in an open court of law, the convicted kiddie fiddler was ordered to have his name entered into the Sex Offenders Register. The prosecution described the accused as a homeless man who apparently squatted in an abandoned badger cete at the Doggers Wood end of Wimbledon Common - further identifying him as a 96-year old Easter European immigrant who children frequenting the park’s play areas described as “That sleazebag twat Uncle Vulgaria” – a fez-capped old fart who claimed to be the shaman of some bizarre religious sect known as the Wombles.

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GM Mutant Crop Escape Captivity

The Greenies aand tree-huggers are crying out in dire concern over a Monsanto Mutant Foods GM crop of transgenic canola that has escaped from the field where it was being grown – with investigators dumbfounded that the seeds have been able to sneak off and replant themselves and germinate miles from where they were fenced in.

One of the main concerns and objections to genetically-modified anything is that whether GM crops themselves eaten by humans – or GM crops being fed to domestic animals (meat, eggs, dairy products) will eventually genetically-modify our DNA and turn us all into a bigger set of numpty mutants than we already are.

While the likes of Monsanto and their ilk – and too the corrupt lobbyists and politicians who break bread at the GM food producers table – swear on a stack of Bibles that this shit is good for us and might just solve the world’s famine problems, what does the Good Book actually say concerning such things as genetically-modified ‘substances’?

Well, the condemnation is there throughout – and alike homosexuality, the Bible terms such as an ‘Abomination’ – cloned animals, GM crops – and all that feeds off such and becomes part of the food chain.
The same is given damning reference in the Koran and too the kikesters Torah – and totally banned from their kosher brochure menu.

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Obama Creates Department of Hypocrisy

The AIPAC-dominated US State Department have swallowed the bait – hook, line and sinker - and reacted with such a typical display of histrionics and frenzied outrage following a most annoying announcement that President Mhmoud Ahmadashell’s Iranian government have offered to provide military aid to Lebanon to make up for what was lost when the US suddenly pulled all such aid yesterday after receiving a nasty phone call from one of Baron Rothshite’s stooges in Tel Aviv.

Rep. Isaac Dorkstein (D-CA) announced yesterday that he was pulling all military aid to Lebanon due last week’s border clash with Israel, in which one kikester thug soldier was bitten by a mongrel, prompting a customary overkill reaction of Zionist Israeli aggression with the punitive shelling and bombing of several villages which snuffed three Lebanese school children and a goat.

Incredibly, one of Hilarious Rodent Clinton’s State Department moron’s, a certain Sheldon Slimeberg, had the brainless audacity to suggest that Iran’s military aid would “compromise Lebanon’s sovereignty” - yet no similar concerns were voiced previously when the US was providing even greater supplies of hi-tech’ military aid to the exact same country.

Further to this, and topping a top score of ten on the International Hypocrisy Scale - plus totally missing the irony and duplicity of their asinine statement and objections - they’ve not only breast fed and weaned the neighbouring rogue state of Israel with arms and nuclear weapon materials since the 1950’s but continue to nourish the kikester scumbags to this day so they can maintain their military hegemony in the Middle East and play bully boy to all their racist lexicon terms ‘goyim’.
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Scameron: UK is Tourism Flop

If we are ever to solve the current negative economic predicament and national debt, UK tourism must focus on ‘Heritage’ with a capital H instead of the Labour government's attempt to market the country as "Cool Britannia", according to Libservative PM Posh Dave Cameron.

Addressing a small crowd of several homeless persons while stood atop an orange box at Hyde Park’s Speaker’s Corner, the prime minister urged people to be more "proud" of the UK and its history – and to take their holidays in the British Isles and not sod off to the Med’ spending their hard-earned Jobseekers Allowance and welfare benefit cheques. “We need your holiday spends here – so buy a thick waterproof jacket from Millets and bugger off to Blackpool or Morecambe Bay and watch the Chinese tourists looking for shells and learning to swim.”

"I mean it – just take the Chinese for example. We're their 22nd most popular destination but sodding Germany is forecast to break into their top 10 this year. So why the hell can't we? Even if we can't beat Germany at soccer then we can always try and beat them at tourism."
“It’s all the fault of the New Labour oicks - not doing enough for Heritage Britain to break into the top five most-visited destinations in the world.”

Posh Dave claims tourism should focus more on fish and chip shops, Punch and Judy shows, national parks, seaside towns – and heritage sites such as bingo halls, immigration prisons, scenic landfills, abandoned railway stations, flooded quarries and deserted shipyards.
Then, totally losing his grip on reality yet again while preaching to the park's resident alcoholic squatters, stated for the public record “I love going on holiday in Britain – lying under the palm trees, soaking up the sun and listening to the calypso bands."

Well Dave, let’s admit the glaring truth – actually we’re fucked cos British weather is on a par with Antarctica’s – without all the penguin shiit – and now we’re reduced to three seasons per year – not quite winter, winter, and July.

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HSE Devise New Sex Ed’ Classes

As of the start of the new school year in September, children from five years onwards will have a new line of sex education classes added to their curriculum.
The novel syllabus has been designed by a Health and Safety Executive think tank and will focus primarily on undertaking visual risk assessments prior to playing the beast with two backs.

The lessons will be supported by slide shows displaying the chronic physical manifestations of venereal disease that are to be avoided at all costs – including festering chancres, genital warts, oozing yellow discharges – all or any of which are presumed to brainwash and make the attending classes puke and thus abstain from any type of sex forever.

A common HSE theme will be added to the ‘protection’ feature of the campaign by promoting the use of hi-viz condoms so the female partner in any copulative action can be sure her male partner is wearing one. The innovative prophylactics are come fitted with a hi-tech sensor that sounds a ‘Cum!’ alarm if any perforations or tears appear in the gossamer latex sheath during coitus.

Allergy warning: These articles were written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.