Saturday, 14 August 2010

Ex-PM Diagnosed as Bi-Polar Blair

In today’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

To ward off and nullify a predicted barrage of International Arrest Warrants issued on charges of War Crimes and Crimes Against Humanity relating to dodgy dossiers, concocted intelligence and the illegal invasions of the sovereign states of Afghanistan and Iraq - plus his personal involvement in the assisted suicide of Dr David Kelly - a legal team working for ex-New Labour Slime Minister Tony Bliar (current Mid-East Peace Hypocrisy envoy) have conjured up a most stellar and original cop-out defence that’s worth a Nobel Prize for Chicanery if one was ever deserved.

Bliar’s legal beagles have seduced by questionable means – probably via the customary tried and tested mediums of blackmail, threats of violence or a mega-bucks back-hander - the prominent Harley Street psychiatrist Dr Irwin Bogbrush to diagnose the Rt Hon Tony as suffering from a chronic case of previously undiagnosed bi-polar disorder that compels him to avoid telling the truth at all costs and spew out a barrage of massive porky pies even if he hasn’t got a handy lie ready.

This pathological affliction is apparently congenital as instanced by Tony coming from a long line of lying gits – and further aggravated by his choice of career as a lawyer and politician. The former a profession where the truth is considered no defence and lies are an integral part of the legal system whenever the manipulation of justice for nefarious ends is concerned – and the latter vocation in government one where dishonesty is a basic requirement for the job. To wit, why tell the truth when a pack of lies will do.

Bliar’s PR gang are concerned with the outcome of Sir John Shitpot’s inquiry into the 2003 illegal invasion of Iraq where Tony was forced to lie through his rodentesque teeth concerning the blatantly concocted ‘dodgy dossier’ intelligence reports declaring that Saddam was ready to nuke our green and pleasant sceptred isle which prompted Tony to okay the illegal invasion.

Further worries viz International Arrest Warrants stem from the fact the ridiculous charade of an inquiry into the murder of Dr David Kelly will be reopened due popular outcry.
The original inquiry was headed by Sir Muttonchop Coverup, who was awarded a life peerage by Bliar for his stellar mishandling of the entire fiasco and now sits in the Upper House as Lord Whitewash of the Grassy Knoll.

Interviewed on Channel 69’s ‘Lying Gits’ programme, the self-promoting Bliar related that his struggle with the truth first manifest some years previously: “Perhaps when I had to tell Cherie she was beautiful – just to look at those greedy, grasping bullfrog eyes – devoid of all soul and character – like two pissholes in the snow – and whisper “You’re gorgeous” – even with her mouth like a bursted G800 radial tyre. Well, that’s what blokes do to get a shag.”

Consulting psychiatrist Dr Irwin Bogbrush opined “Most of Tony’s fibs are simple porkies really – such as telling the press he was converting to Roman Catholicism when actually he already belonged to Cherie’s Devil worshipping clique and then evolved to pray at the altar of Mammon.”
“Regardless of remarks concerning a stifled moral conscience – the man was born without one. However, he’s most definitely a bi-polar Blair – which is the main reason he’s so concerned about his personal carbon footprint and global warming - and the Arctic ice cap melting – it all comes down to survival and self-preservation.”

Thought for the day : Bliar’s autobiography ‘Wages of Sin’ is due to be released on September 1st, with an official book launch hosted by Pissstone’s flagship store in central London.
The former Slime Minister has announced he will personally launch and promote sales of the book, for which he was paid a £4.6 zillion quid advance, at the high security public event.
Rumours that Bliar will sign copies of the book in the blood of slaughtered Iraqi children are yet to be confirmed.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Another thought for the day: If the Arctic ice cap melts will all the bi-polar Blairs drown?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

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