Afghanistan: US Military Fatalities Soar

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

As US military fatalities in Afghanistan hit a new high in July, embedded US Army whistleblowers working for Ox-Rat, the snitch and grassers anti-war charity, fed heaps of grist into the rumour machine exposing record suicides, hard drug abuse and other signs of deep demoralization among the ranks after a decade of illegal colonial-style wars in the Graveyard of Empires and Iraq.

Another six US troops were killed in a series of four separate attacks (averaging 1:5 grunts per attack) across southern Afghanistan on Thursday and Friday, bringing the total death toll for the month of July to at least 66 for the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment alone.
This follows the previous record death toll set last month of 60 troops from the 18th Body Bag Brigade – with both being double the average number of fatalities for the first five months of this year.

While the Taliban Dan Gang’s inflicted casualties in Afghanistan continue to soar to a most embarrassing figure, the number of suicides and other violent non-combat deaths among US Army soldiers is rising even more steeply.
The Army’s official 3500-page report issued last Thursday, titled 'Kill the Taliban – Not Yourselves', placed the suicides in a broader context of dangerous and psychotic behaviour among soldiers, including rampant drug use, sky diving without a parachute, Russian Roulette with a fully chambered revolver – and games of drunken Hop Scotch across the minefields.

Thus as the US military continue to demonstrate they can achieve a higher body count by killing themselves than their declared Afghan enemies, the Taliban’s hierarchy have now decided on a revised and innovative long-term strategy - to sit back and relax – and let the Coalition of the Damned’s ‘Operation Enduring Warfare’ do their job for them.

This is illustrated when one considers the fact that while 66 US troops were terminated by the Taliban’s muhijadeen during NATO’s ‘Project Kill Every Fucker’ shock and awe surge in July – another 87 were snuffed by friendly fire, with 38 poppy plantation guards croaking from opium and heroin overdoses.

The July figures indicate a further 42 troops became so sick and disillusioned with the entire illegal war and Al Qaeda scam scenarios - and further pricked by states of moral conscience over the numbers of innocent civilians they were ordered to ‘snuff with extreme prejudice’ - that they chose the route of suicide to get their sad arses demobbed – now constituting a tripling (300% rise) in fatal self-harming incidences since the illegitimate invasion kick started in 2001.

However, while official figures rate the number of actual deserters at 158 for July, the above statistics make no mention of the total number of gung ho shit-for-brains West Point commissioned officers getting fragged or double tapped by their pissed-off troopers.

Regardless the official Pentagon report does not deal with the suicide rate among veterans, which is considerably worse than those still on active duty. A 2009 study estimated the suicide rate among male veterans aged 20 to 24 at four times the national average—more than 400 per 100,000 each year.

The report is remarkably frank about the horrendous impact of the Army’s involvement for nearly nine years in the US colonial-style wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, with General Billy Bob Warthog candidly informing one reporter from the Warmongers Gazette “We now must face the unintended consequences of leading a fucked up expeditionary Army that included involuntary enlistment extensions, accelerated promotions, extended deployment rotations, reduced dwell time and potentially diverted focus from leading and caring for soldiers who, have been pushed to their breaking point and are now total basket cases.”
“No shit, the only reason these guys are staying in Afghanistan is because the opium’s free and goat sex isn’t a crime.”

Among the more startling psychiatric evaluations and conclusions contained in the report is that the rising suicide and accidental death rates are closely bound up with a growing use of drugs, both prescribed and illegal.
The drug epidemic has been fuelled by active duty soldiers dealing with pain, depression, pre-menstrual tension, transgender sexual identity conflicts, and other forms of mental anguish stemming, in many cases, from their exposure to killing and violence in Iraq and Afghanistan and learning from their disillusioned chaplain that there is no God and they won’t be going to Heaven.

Drugs also have played a substantial role in the skyrocketing of criminal activity among soldiers. In 2009 soldiers were reported to have committed over 50,000 misdemeanour criminal offences, compared to 28,000 five years earlier.
The most common offences were motor vehicle related, including drunk driving cases, speeding and road fatalities, which have increased by 166% since 2004. The next largest category was soldiers going absent without leave (AWOL) or deserting, which has more than doubled (234%) over the last five years.

Conversely, topping the list were offences of a sexual nature which have quadrupled with quadrupeds – and committed while intoxicated or drugged up -with randy troopers driven to distraction to find out what Afghan women actually wear under their burkas – or forgoing acts of human rape - being caught ‘in flagrante delicto’ stuck up the arse end of a goat.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Thought for the day: Fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

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