Anti-Terrorist Call Centre Hotline Banned

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A UK Plod Squad advert encouraging the public at large to report suspected terrorists has been banned for potentially causing serious offence to law-abiding citizens – especially so the peaceful Muslim Jaysh al Shaheed group, whose madrassa chief Mullah Istimna ibn Himar declared they had absolutely no intention of bombing the local Pestco Greedy Grocer outlet again - unless they run out of halal bacon and black puddings.

Ms Beverly Titwank from the public civil liberties watchdog Grassers informed a journalist from the Totalitarian Gazette that the full spectrum media campaign, commissioned by the Association of Chief Plods, drew 186,000 complaints in the first two days it was broadcast, including several from non-Islamites, who claimed it was offensive for encouraging people to report law-abiding citizens who acted in the ways described in their ‘Mosque Watch’ and ‘Spot-a-Muslim Scally’ check lists.

A survey conducted by Channel 69’s ‘Gob Off’ programme revealed that the public at large considered the campaign would encourage certain marginalised and disaffected elements of society to harass or victimise their neighbours – with a majority opinion viewing the check lists as being based on the concept of scare-mongering - and could actually describe the behaviour of the majority of eccentric and quirky law-abiding people that comprise any bog standard British community.

The television advert for the Anti-Terrorist Hotline listed "suspicious" behaviour worth reporting to the police as: "The woman at the end of the street wears a hijab or burka and doesn't talk to the neighbours much because she can’t speak English. She pays with cash at the local Paki corner shop and doesn't have a bank card. She keeps the curtains closed because her house is on a bus route – or opposite the police station her dodgy husband intend to blow up."
"This may mean nothing, but together it could all add up to she and her partner building weapons of mass distraction in the back garden shed with which they intend to destroy the few dubious democratic freedoms we have remaining.”

“We all have a role to play in combating terrorism, so if you see anything suspicious – like Airbus flight manuals or lead-lined plutonium containers or bleach and brake fluid bottles in their wheelie bin call the confidential Anti-Terrorist Hotline 24/7. If you suspect it, report it, and we’ll send a truck-load of our trigger-happy CO19 Armed Response ‘Double Tap’ Squad officers round to kick their front door in and sort them out – and any sneaky Brazilian electricians squatting in the area too."

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Thought for the day: Fuck the Totalitarian tip-toe - and Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.