Friday, 6 August 2010

Scameron Sends ‘Sorrygramme’ to Paki’s

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Posh Dave Scameron, the UK’s Libservative Prime Minister, and President Asif Ali Zardari of Pakistan, will have a bit of a ‘get together’ for formal talks at Chequers later today and attempt to smooth out the ripples of tension and patch up their differences following the PM's recent brain-dead disparaging comments that elements in Pakistan promoted radical Islamic militancy and their main export – after illegal immigrants, Pound Stretcher crap and chapattis - was terrorism.

Posh Dave, whose blue blood superior unqualified arrogance has equipped him with the diplomatic skills of a rutting hippo on Viagra, specifically made mention that “Paki’s are a bunch of dodgy darkie types at best – and turn into bomb-chucking Muslim fanatics whenever our Predator drones accidentally blast the shit out of one of their hospitals or schools.”

Sir Irwin Bogbrush, Whitehall’s chief of the civil service, did voice his personal reparations for Scameron’s remarks to Mr Jimjam Chuckabutty, the Pakistani Ambassador, explaining that the Prime Minister was a typical public school prat and the type of person that could be taken anywhere twice – the second time to apologise.

However, it is hoped the talks at Chequers will provide Posh Dave the opportunity to kiss some brown ass and apologise personally for his recent faux pas and insults against the Pakistanis in general - and hopefully not fail to engage brain before opening mouth and make any more.
On Thursday night President Zardari was Mr Scameron's guest at a private dinner at the Taj Mahal Curry House in Peckham's Skidrow Village where they tucked into a fiery feast of savoury samozas and an arse-scorching mutton kahari.

Conversely, according to rumours spread across the front page of the Daily Shitraker this morning President Zardari only decided on this trip to Europe when the recent floods caused by torrential monsoon rains started flowing over the top of his Wellington boots – an escapist move frowned on by Paki’s at home and in the UK.

Shite News diplomatic correspondent Beverly Titwank, speaking to Deputy PM Mick Clogg, speculated that it was unclear how far the two leaders will be able to patch up their relationship following Scameron’s insulting remarks, with Clogg stating for the record that “We’ll repair and reinforce our relationship in the tried and tested traditional manner – by donating thousands of pairs of welly boots to the Paki’ flood victims - and throw in a container load of mops.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

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