Tory Tosspot Launches Burka Ban

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A Conservative MP who recently launched a bid to ban Muslim women (and transvestite males) from wearing burkas and niqabs in public today informed an interviewer from Channel 69’s ‘Racist Scumbags’ programme that he refuses to talk to veiled women – unless such is being worn by his bum-spanking Dutch dominatrix Mistress Fellattia van der Gamm during their weekly BD/SM theme play scenarios.

Philip Hollowbone, the 96-year old incumbent Tory MP for Twatford-on-the-Wold, has tabled a private members bill to ban what he personally terms ‘certain objectionable face coverings’ being worn in public and provides an in-depth explanation of his personal psychotic disapproval to the burka.

MP Hollowbone, whom Parliamentary associates and political critics alike describe as a man who doesn’t attract nor win friends easily but manages to alienate people and make enemies at a geometric rate, has apparently jumped on the Brussels EUSSR bandwagon to follow in France and Belgium’s footsteps of religious and cultural intolerance of banning burkas and niqabs in public.
The ban on Islamic veils in all public places is expected to be passed by France's lower house of Parliament and this novel offence would carry a 150 euro fine and in some cases mandatory citizenship classes - following a similar vote for a ban in Belgium's Parliament.

The radical MP claims he will refuse to talk with any person wearing a burkah or niqab face covering that comes to his electorate surgery due a personal conflict of attempting to converse with people if he can’t see their faces – then adding that he would invite those who did not remove their veil to communicate in a different way, such as by letter or e-mail or semaphore or even pigeon post – and to accommodate the needs of marginalised ethnic groups from his Twatford-on-the-Wold constituency’s Cherokee Housing Estate - even via the medium of carbon-friendly smoke signals.

Conversely, lawyers for the racial pressure group ‘Shit-Stirrers-R-Us’ last week wrote to Hollowbone advising that the Equality Act obliges him to avoid discrimination in any shape or form – which simply prompted the bi-polar MP to declare if that was the case then he wasn’t going to speak to anyone.

His comments were criticised by Muslim groups, and the idea of a ban has been dismissed by government ministers as "Not really British and most definitely not cricket" – further being unhelpful to Muslim women who wear the burka or niqab to conceal situations of fucked up dentistry or the facts they’re afflicted by blights of facial hair – or chronic halitosis.

Immigration minister Chlamydia Mingerot informed Pox News that banning the full Islamic veil in public would be "at odds with the UK's tolerant ‘Democratic’ society which still permits disgruntled and radical Muslims (self-harming variety) to detonate backpack suicide bombs on the public transport system.

“Seriously, if we venture one single step down this road with Mr Hollowbone’s intended policy, as per that being enforced by our cheese-eating surrender monkey neighbours in France and Belgium, than what comes next? A ban on the religious wimples of Catholic nuns? A ban on yobs and scallies wearing their hoodies?”
“Really, this will doubtless be supplemented with a ban on the 22nd SAS wearing black ski masks the next time they have to storm the Iranian Embassy.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.