Saturday, 1 October 2011

Lady Gaga Goes – er – ‘Gaga’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

American nouveau cult pop singer, Stefani Joanne Angelina Slapperotti, better known to the brain-washed celebrity-fixated sheeple by her stage name of Lady Gaga, has instructed lawyers to commence legal proceedings against the British-based publishers of the iconic Oxford English Dictionary for cataloguing her name in a list of descriptives which include such derogatory definitions as ‘mentally disordered, loco, non compos mentis, senile, silly, asinine, idiotic, scatter-brained, crazy, headbanger, basket case, off one's rocker, round the bend, demented, crackers, nutty as a fruitcake, cuckoo, bonkers, bananas, batty, eccentric – and most offensive of all - not right in the head.

Lady Gaga, viewed by friends and entertainment industry insiders alike as ‘a right psycho bitch’ and ‘a suitable case for treatment’ went into total paranoia mode last week when a spiteful contemporary made reference to her stage name and the dictionary’s interpretation of the word ‘gaga’ in a magazine interview.

Hence Ms Slapperotti is suing the publishers on grounds that their Oxford English Dictionary has deliberately and with malice aforethought targeted her for ridicule by choosing to so define ‘gaga’ as an inanimate object, creature or person possessed by absurdity – and not one bestowed with a more favourable and meritorious meaning.

Speaking to one press hack from the Head-Bangers Gazette, Oxford English Dictionary editor Baz McSkanger related “This twat’s more full of shit than a Christmas goose – even ‘gaga’ doesn’t begin to describe her mental problems.”

“This definition of ‘gaga’ has been in the OED since the first edition was published in 1888 – it’s a French imitative – or derivative – meaning in the classical Gallic language that someone’s fucked in the head. So, if she thinks the interpretation of gaga’s disparaging, then why didn’t the stupid cow check in a dictionary first, and perhaps choose the name Lady Smart Arse or Miss Mensa or one perhaps more suited to her particular case like Lady Shit-for-Brains?”

Consulting psychologist Dr Irwin Fuctifino, opined to one reporter from the Cuckoo Review that “Lady Gaga is obviously possessed by ambitions and ideas far beyond the scope of her mental capabilities. Oh well, when ego surpasses intellect then dementia problems of stellar magnitude arise.”

Trivia tidbit for the day: Slapperotti’s music producer Rob Fusari first came up with the name ‘Lady Gaga’ – due misquoting the title of Queen’s ‘Radio Ga Ga’ song, whose lyrics were scribed by drummer Roger Taylor, and originally released on the flip side of the ‘I Go Crazy’ single written by guitarist Brian May – with both sung by the immortal Freddie Mercury.

Conversely, within the Oxford English Dictionary’s indexed lexicon of 600,000-plus words there are none that accurately describe Lady Gaga or her condition. However it has been unanimously agreed by a conclave of literary editors and clinical psychologists that the word KNOBHEAD comes pretty close.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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