House of Conmans Bullying Culture Rife

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Following complaints being filed with Scotland Yard, the Met’s Plod Squad are investigating reports of a culture of systematic harassment and bullying directed against a number of House of Conmans MPs who have had the temerity or audacity to display indications of thinking for themselves and going against the party line.

This latest grievance, voiced by a Scottish Affairs Select Committee MP this week, follows on the heels of scandalous reports of intimidation and oppressive bullying by the Tory’s psycho whips to enforce compliance to PM Posh Dave Scameron’s directive that his party’s back benchers cease and desist from all forms of rebellion and dissent when casting their ballots on whether to hold a nationwide ‘in or out’ referendum vote on Broken Britain’s continued EUSSR membership last Monday night.

Following the 483 to 111 ‘referendum’ ballot result, over a dozen MPs were reported missing by their families, with several hospitalised after being sadistically dumped in the hours of darkness on the A & E forecourts of various London medical centres, all bearing a mixed bag of injuries consistent with the type of wounds visited on Palestinian activists by the Israeli Defence Force’s thugs – specifically bludgeoning, ribs kicked in with a jackboot, garrotting and being subjected to cigarette burns on the face, torso and genitals.

The body of the Tory back bench rebellion ringleader, Jarvis de Ffinch-Spatchcock, MP for Smegmashire’s Old Scrotum constituency, was discovered yesterday morning by one pensioner out jogging with her dog – the corpse sat propped against a tree in the David Kelly Memorial Woods at Grassy Knoll Park.

Although first responder paramedics described injuries to the body as consistent with being battered from head to foot with a pick axe handle, plus the victim’s left wrist slashed with a blunt gardening knife, the on-scene Plod Squad pathologist determined that death was self-inflicted – a verdict supported by the suicide note written in blood and pinned to his chest.

This latest allegation of physical threats by Ms Eilidh Whingeford, the SNP’s ginger mingin MP for Bumph and Bootleg, has been lodged as a formal complaint with the House of Conmans speaker as well as Scotland Yard – with the piqued Ms Whingeford withdrawing from the Scottish Affairs Select Committee after she was threatened by its chairman Ian ‘Pitbull’ Davidson, the Labour MP for the Glasgow Pillocks constituency.

Davidson, who is rumoured to have a reputation for dominating susceptible children, small dogs and the meeker members of the opposite sex, is alleged to have threatened Ms Whingeford with ‘a doing over and a good seeing-to’ if details of a controversial committee discussion were leaked to the gutter press.

BBC Scotland has reported that officials on the committee raised the allegation with Parliament’s Chief Clerk for Bullying, the most senior official in charge of Westminster's intimidation and harassment procedures.

Whingeford contacted all members of the cross-party committee, informing them that she was withdrawing from the work of the committee until Davidson has relinquished his position.
In her communication to MPs she stated for the Hansard record: "I do not believe this intimidating behaviour is compatible with the position of chair of a select committee, and therefore do not intend to return to the committee while that bullying dingbat Davidson remains in the chairman’s role. Really, to have this despicable Gorbals thug threatening to give me a good seeing-to - only my hubby does that on a Saturday night - if he remembers to take his little blue pills.”

Conversely, MP Davidson, in his role as chairman of Westminster's Scottish Affairs Committee, is no stranger to controversy due his propensity for failing to engage brain before opening mouth – hence his sobriquet of ‘Old Gobshite’.
Davidson stirred up a shit storm last June when he branded the Scottish National Party as a bunch of "neo-fascists" during a House of Conmans debate on the Scotland Bill – a comment that Edinburgh’s Holyrood Prime Minister Alex ‘Six Chins’ Salmond demanded an apology for – as did New Labour MPs when he branded them Maoists and Trotskyists during a 2008 Parliamentary debate - both without much success.

Ah well, as the Chinese sage Confucius once stated: “The best you can ever get from a pig is a grunt.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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