UK Political Correctness Gone Mad

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Racial harassment charges have been dropped against Mrs Gladys McScrote, a Smegmadale-on-Sea pensioner, whose whingeing darkie neighbour complained to the local police authority that she had purposely and with malice aforethought stood a two-foot high golliwog doll holding a bunch of plastic bananas in the parlour window to taunt her.

The 96-year old Mrs McScrote, of Xenophobia Lane, had her front door kicked in, copped for a faceful of pepper spray and was subsequently arrested in a dawn raid following a string of complaints filed against her with the town’s Plod Squad by a black African neighbour, Mrs Twatcha N’kunta Jaffacake.

WPC Glenda Skank, a spokeswoman for Smegmadale Police, informed press hacks that "We conducted a thorough investigation into the incident and following several water-boarding sessions and getting half her fingernails ripped out Mrs McScrote confessed to her crime. The information extracted was then passed to the Crown Prosecution Service who, at that stage, decided there was sufficient evidence to charge her with an incitement of racial hatred offence, which prompt stacks of decent media coverage and is always good for a few political brownie points.”

However, appearing before Smegmadale Magistrates' Court yesterday and speaking in her own defence Mrs McScrote denied displaying an item likely to cause racially-aggravated harassment, and stated for the record that: “There was also a Basil Brush soft toy in the window too, but I’ve not had any complaints from the local hunt, nor the urban fox population who pass by every night on their wheelie bin scavenging excursions. Plus the Holly Hobby doll in her black see-through lingerie doesn’t seem to have inspired charges from troubled parents that I’m inciting latent paedophiles – or priests from the local Roman Catholic seminary - to go into kiddie fiddling mode and commit sexual offences against their children.”

Waving a ‘World’s Gone Mad’ poster outside the court, the Big Brother Watch civil rights and wrongs activist, Fellattia van der Gamm, told one reporter from the Jingoist Gazette that “Talk about tryin’ ter cash in on offended sensibilities, this is political fuckin’ correctness gone barmy. Like that bloke up at Twatford wot got his hapless arse cuffed and charged wiv breaches of the equal rights act an’ harassment an’ taken ter court last July by the cops cos some psycho tosspot midget wot lived down the road complained the bloke had a family of concrete gnomes in his garden sat round a fishpond - an’ the paranoid short-arsed neighbour reckoned they woz put there ter take the piss outa him.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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