Tories to Abolish Human Rights Act

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what has got to be the biggest display of hypocrisy by the Conservative Party since their last hypocrisy extravaganza, Home Secretary Teresa Maybe, the incumbent Tory MP for Knobhead-on-Sea and a semi-reformed rhubarb addict, is pushing for the Human Rights & Wrongs Act to be scrapped.

This is in total conflict with their patronising ‘Arab Spring’ duplicity where Posh Dave Scameron & Co are sponsoring Democracy with a large capital ’D’ for the suppressed populations of the Third World, struggling for socio-political reforms under draconic regimes.
Further to their condemnation, these are the self-same Tory hypocrites who signed up for a slice of NATO’s Operation Kill Every Fucker in Libya to snuff Gaddafi - and promote the same human rights they now want to abolish back home.

Mrs Maybe’s declaration comes less than a fortnight after Lib-Dum leader and Deputy Slime Minister, Mick ‘Janus’ Clogg publicly swore on the body of a dead heron and in the presence of three bishops and a magistrate, that the European Convention on Human Rights & Wrongs was here to stay.
Hmmm, much alike his pledge that tuition fees were not going to be hiked – or his ‘immutable stand’ on the alternative vote was compromised to suit his Rothshite crime syndicate masters.

While Cloggy suffers the vilifications of the Lib-Dum party members whose faith and trust he betrays at an ever-increasing geometric rate, obviously this game of ‘Coalition Poker’ simply isn’t his forte, as he hasn’t won a hand to date but just continues to get shit on by his arrogant Tory ‘partners’ (sic) - whose idea of proportional representation - and its handmaid, compromise – translate as ‘our way or no way’.
Such is the state of this fatally-flawed electoral disaster of a Libservative Coalition, where the campaign trail’s reckless promises are consigned to the wish list ‘aspirations’ bin.

Conversely Secretary Maybe informed one press hack from the Extraordinary Rendition Gazette that she personally wanted to see the Human Rights & Wrongs Act abolished due the problems it was causing for the Home Office - with people complaining MI5 or their contemporary MI6 ‘Box 850’ thugs over at Vauxhall Cross had ripped out their fingernails, or stamped on their scrotums – or that a couple of water-boarding sessions had left them with hydrophobia and ruined their chances of ever swimming the Channel for their favourite ‘Jolly Jihad’ or ‘Let’s Build a Mosque in Moscow’ charities.

“Really, you simply would not believe the masses of personal injury claims we receive from the ambulance-chasing attorneys hired by terrorist suspects over the course of a normal working week – all after massive success fees and out-of-court compo’ settlements.”

"I mean to say, the Israelis don’t have a Human Rights Act and they go around kicking the shit out of those poor Palestinians in the West Bank every day of the week – bulldozing their houses to make way for illegal settlements – and have the population of the Gaza Strip besieged behind their Great Apartheid Wall in the biggest concentration camp on the planet – and don’t give a flying fuck about international opinion or criticism as they own and control the global media – so why should we.”

Slime Minister Posh Dave Scameron has now stated for the public record that he agrees with Mrs Maybe, and the act should be scrapped and replaced with the proposed single-page British ‘Bill of Rights’ – written with invisible ink.

Speaking on the BBC's Andrew ‘Bat-Ears’ Marr Show, Scameron pontificated that while the Human Rights & Wrongs Act enshrines the European Convention on Human Rights into UK law it throws up too many stumbling blocks to torturing Muslim terrorist suspects – or allowing the Met’s SO19 Armed Assassination Squad to shoot suspect scrotes through the skull as per last August’s pre-emptive snuffing of Tottenham scally Mark Duggan: the bullet that launched a thousand riots.

“I mean to say, here you have Mohammed al Ka-Boom wandering down the street in Croydon with one of those home-made nuclear black pepper and shampoo bombs in his backpack that the Yanks levelled Hiroshima and Nagasaki with back in 1945 – and our Plod Squad aren’t allowed to taser the slimy sod or give him the old Brazilian 7-tap in the head so they can search his bag.”

Thought for the day: The gospel according to Shabby Acrobatty, the director of the human rights and wrongs watchdog organisation Liberty, the only thing the Tories and Lib-Dums have agreed on and stuck to is the pledge of their individual ‘Friends of Israel’ clubs – to amend the International Arrest Warrant legislation so Israeli politicos and military scumbags can travel to our once sceptred isle without fear of arrest for their war crimes and human rights abuses.

Nice one, lads. We can always rely on the likes of Scameron and Clogg to disappoint us.
However, when it comes down to the ‘final accounting’, an old Oriental adage states: If you sit long enough on a river bank you will see the bodies of all your enemies float past. New Labour, Tory, Lib-Dum, - and too the Libservative Coalition genetically-modified clone variety.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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