Chabad Shylocks Slam Schoolgirls

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In a bid to outdo Afghanistan’s fundamentalist Taliban Muslims and their fanatical Deoband Dar-ul-Uloom brand of Islam, a numpty cabal of ultra-orthodox Chabad Jews have taken ‘time out’ from their customary cultural obsessions of money-lending, usury and snipping foreskins – plus whingeing about Holohoax denial and anti-Semitism – to launch a series of sustained and frenzied attacks on a new girls' school – and its ranks of split-arsed pupils - constructed next door to the St Shylocks Synagogue for Latter Day Kikesters in the town of Rosh Tahat, on the outskirts of Jerusalem.

The protesting group of grungy Halacha meshuggenahs with their matzo-encrusted beards, effeminate kiss curls, funny hats and flasher’s overcoats, led by Freddie and Felix, the psycho’ Fagin twins, spoke to one press hack from the Pound of Flesh Gazette yesterday to give their side of the story – obviously bolstered with a plethora of kazabs and lashings of chutzpah and hasbara.

Rabbi Ja’akoff Sheenyberg explained the group are picketing the Sharlila O’chel Batachat School as their orthodox religious sense of modesty is offended by the sight of the girls passing their homes on the way to classes, flaunting their immodesty and sluttishness.
“They disregard the Haredi code and the tznuit. Where are their sheitel and mitpachat? Some of these females are walking through our neighbourhood and passing our houses in a state of niddah – in a blatant display of disrespect for the ‘taharath hamishpacha’.”

Police, assigned to protect the children and their mothers from assaults by the zealous Halachas as they endure the school run gauntlet of insults and spitting, arrested several of the protesters on Friday for throwing a pick n mix batch of missiles at the passing girls – including stones, Camel’s Hump beer bottles and lumps of ripe goat shit.

Jerusalem Judge Zayin ben Zonah, yesterday found protesters Rabbi Seymour Scattstein; Sheldon Crumpledforeskin of Shulhani & Sons; Levi Weaselheim, and Aaron Rosenscumm - the CEO of Neshekers-R-Us, all guilty of affray and threatening behaviour – and sentenced each to 100 hours of supervised community service: licking ‘Ashkenazi Scumbags Go Home’ graffiti off the Wailing Wall.

Do you live next door to a synagogue? Have you ever demolished a Palestinian neighbourhood and stolen their land for an illegal settlement? Are any members of your immediate family part of the IDF’s Hafganat Koah Brigade? Can you travel outside Israel without worrying about being arrested for war crimes?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a free box of Hamantaschen cookies - plus a personalised copy of the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion – personally signed by the Chief ZioNazi, Baron Ja’ackoff de Rothshite.

Thought for the day: What an odd display of hypocrisy by the shabby Chabad gang when one considers they’re focusing on some hypothetical display of sluttishness by schoolgirls yet have no concerns, compassion nor empathy, for the plight of the people who’s lands they stole by force of arms and blood-letting in the 1948 Yawm an-Nakbah (Day of the Catastrophe).

Further, nor do they exhibit concern at their Bobo Nuttyahoo-led hard-line Jabotinskyist government’s ZioNazi inhumane treatment of the marginalised and disaffected Palestinian populations of the occupied West Bank - and the Gaza Strip, besieged behind a 30-foot high Great Apartheid Wall in the biggest concentration camp on the planet.

Oh well, when you consider yourselves to be God’s Chosen People with a Manifest Destiny to rule the world, and the Gentile ‘goyim’ as your cattle – your ‘slaves’ – then it’s all a matter of self-delusion and rhetoric defeating common sense and logic at every turn. Amen. Insh’Allah.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.