Sunday, 9 October 2011

Squaddie Cops for Magic Bullets

The Ministry of Defence has confirmed that a trooper was killed during a live fire exercise on the military rifle range at Bullseye Common, near Lemmings Leap on the Kent coast yesterday.

The soldier, Private Mohammed bin Target, of the 21st Body Bag Brigade, died from multiple gunshot wounds to the head.

Speaking to one press hack from the Self Harmers Gazette, Det Sgt Hugh Dunnit of the Kent Plod Squad announced that Pte Target, who had recently transferred from the notorious Throatcut Barracks at Camberley in Surrey, was rumoured to have attempted to hang himself the previous year in the Grassy Knoll Woods while suffering from acute depression following the accidental bombing of his family home in Afghanistan’s strife-ridden Bellend Province by one of NATO’s Predator drones.

The local coroner and police are not treating the death as suspicious and believe there may well have been a suicide motive involved.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel shit.

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