Scameron Speak with Forked Tongue

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

PM Posh Dave Scameron, attending the Tory Party’s annual conference in manky Manchester this week, has sworn on a mixed stack of Bibles, Torahs and Korans to conjure up at least 200,000 extra affordable homes and 400,000 new jobs during an interview on the BBC's Andrew ‘Bat-Ears’ Marr Show.

Standing at the rostrum before an audience of Tory apparatchik stooges and ‘yes-men’, Scameron declared for the public record “Really, I’m not doing a U-turn on spending cuts but neither am I sitting back in the face of economic stagnation and waiting for the IMF to bail old Broken Britain out like they have with Greece and Portugal, and Spain, Ireland, Italy and Belgium. The country might well be right up shitcreek but hopefully we can still make our own paddles.”

However, New Labour critics, led by leader Ed Millipede, were quick to speculate that if these ‘Conference-Ready’ promises were anything like his other pre-election campaign trail pledges – such as the promised EUSSR membership referendum - then they’ll be more at scent than substance – what canny Yorkshire folk refer to as EB – “Eeee Bullshit”.

As the mentally-constipated Conservatives began their annual conference in Manchester, an organised anti-spending cuts rally took place in the city centre, with an estimated 35,000,000 zillion people in attendance, many blowing whistles and vuvulezas, while waving flags and chanting: "Tory Shitbags Out!” – while eyeing up the stores along Deansgate and Market Street’s Arndale Centre, ready for a spot of looting during the hours of darkness.

Asked about claims by a senior loose-lipped Tory backbencher that the government lacked a coherent strategy for growth, Scameron shot back "We’re firing up the engines of the British economy right now – Chancellor Osborne will be there stoking the boilers and oiling the shafts and bearings – and it’s going to be ‘full steam ahead' once the coal arrives.”

Frank McSkanger, a TUC spokesman, opined to one press hack from the Scumbags Gazette that “Wot an effin’ metaphor ter use in relation ter the recovery of the British economy – comparin’ it ter a fuckin’ steam engine goin’ chuff-chuff down the line. The effin’ things were made redundant years ago.”
“But that’s so bloody typical of the Tories - they’re all the fuckin’ same – a bunch of overpaid plutocrats - Cabbage Patch Dave an’ his Millionaire’s Cabinet.”
“The bloke’s a self-promotin’ toff wot’s devoid of both backbone and baculum, an’ keeps breakin’ his election campaign trail pledges like the Bahrain police’s Thug Squad wot’s goin’ round breakin’ pro-democracy activist’s skulls like there’s no tomorrow.”

“Scameron’s a dog wanker an’ a bigger fibster than that other disingenuous Labour twat Tony Bliar - an’ would say owt ter keep folks from realisin’ our economy’s flat-linin’ thanks ter his scorched earth policies an’ the fact the twats have run outa effin’ ideas of how ter fix the bleedin’ mess.”

In his BBC interview, Scameron dismissed calls to have the Bank of England print a few billion extra quid and stop whittling away at the welfare benefits – such as jobseekers allowance and disability pay.
“I mean, just look at all these bloody oicks squatting in New York’s Wall Street and stopping the wheelbarrows of cash from going into the offices of ‘Gold in Sacks’. Really, just what do they think it’s all about? That’s one thing I’m not going to tolerate here – bunches of peasants loitering around the City and cluttering up the sacrosanct Square Mile – and upsetting Baron Rothshite.”

“Good God, are these people so stupid that they don’t realise that’s the way it’s supposed to be – a life of debt. That’s why the people who wrote the Protocols of Zion book thingy organised fractional reserve banking and all this plastic fantastic mega-credit years ago – so the working classes are stuffed on mortgages and monthly repayment debts for life – then they’re like a dog on a leash – or a fish on a hook.”

Thought for the day: Fuck the Tories, and the Freemasons, and the Rothshite bankster crime syndicate, and Big Brother – and his sister - and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.