Monday, 24 October 2011

Frogs Tell Scameron: Keep Your Beak Out

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Broken Britain’s Libservative Coalition Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, has clashed with France’s dwarf-troll President, Nicolas Sarkozy, over the UK's involvement in discussions concerning the eurozone crisis.
Sarkozy, the type of person who gives sex offenders a bad name, opined to one press hack from the Insolvency Gazette that the final talks, scheduled to take place on Wednesday, should be restricted to the 17 EUSSR member nations which actually use the worthless euro – and not busybodies who love the sound of their own pontificating pedantry.

“This merde Scameron, it is bad enough that we all consider him a moronic arsehole, without opening his stupid mouth and confirming the fact. Why does this shit-for-brains six foot penis-on-legs think he has answers to the eurozone problems when his country still have their pounds and pence and do not use the euro? Brussels is sick of his fanfaronade and hypocrisy.”

The clash erupted when EUSSR leaders agreed to change the Union's constitutional treaty if necessary to resolve the fiscal quagmire that’s currently on a self-consuming destruction derby course and heading at a geometric rate velocity towards a tragic destiny – with Greece due to disappear down the Debtocracy plughole before the year’s end.

On hearing that news, Scameron went into headless chicken mode, demanding that all EUSSR leaders be present to debate issues which could affect them, “You blokes don’t realize I’ve made another promise to the British voters that they’re not getting an ‘in / out’ referendum on continued EUSSR membership – unless Brussels attempts to alter the treaty. So you’re putting me and my government on a very sticky wicket if you even contemplate changing the rules in mid-game.”

That outburst prompted Sarkozy to jump up on his Napoleonic mini-Me box so the assembly might see him, then declared he was pissed off with reading in newspapers about advice Mr Scameron and his Chancellor Georgie Osborne were offering the eurozone.
“We are sick of you criticising us and telling us what to do. You say you hate the euro and now you want to interfere in our meetings. You are no better than the dogshit I tread in on the street this morning. You and your Bullingdon Club aristocrat cronies can kiss my spotty French bottom."

In an attempt to calm tempers and an all-out fistfight kicking off, the EUSSR’s Catweazle look-alike president Herman van Rumpy said that members would explore the possibility of limited change and any likely modifications to the treaty would involve closer fiscal integration – with all members declaring bankruptcy and their national economies going tits up simultaneously.

So, it’s time for even more debt swaps and quantitative easing. For Christ’s sake, the entire capitalist financial system’s fucked with a large F and can’t be fixed. The whole shebang needs ditching and replacing with an organisational format that isn’t based on the fatally-flawed processes of fractional reserve lending and non-existent derivatives – and is devoid of the levels of cannibalistic usury that’s got the global economy where it is today – up shitcreek without a paddle.

This panacea of all fiscal ills - quantitative easing / printing more money - could well be defined metaphorically with closing the windows at Herculaneum and Pompeii to keep the dust out when Mt Vesuvius erupted in 79 AD.

Thought for the day: Perhaps, for once in his insignificant existence, the diminutive parrot-faced Sarkozy’s right. Dave Scameron’s self-preservation outburst concerning the euro currency is reminiscent of the institutional hypocrisy of the Catholic Church and its administrative den of iniquity in Rome – the venal Vatican – and their duplicitous preaching of the do’s and don’t of sexual congress to the faithful while being supposedly celibate themselves (apart from their proclivity for rampant kiddie-fiddling).

Oh, and by the way, fuck the EUSSR and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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