Saudi Corruption Scandal Mires Government

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Documents leaked to the Daily Shitraker by whistle-blowing moles burrowing through the registry files of the Serious Fraud Office have revealed that a British defence firm deposited £12 million quid into the Swiss bank account of Prince Ghaban Bala’a il A’air – the notorious kiddie-fiddling Defence Minister of the despotic Saudi Arabian monarchial regime.

The leaked papers provide documented evidence that a mega-bucks ‘baksheesh’ pay-off was made to ensure that New Labour’s Ministry of Defence granted a £2 zillion nicker contract to the UK-based GPT, a wing of EADS, the biggest Illuminati front war-mongering aerospace and arms manufacturers in the known Universe.

A formal investigation by the Serious Fraud Office into the allegations that bribes were paid to corrupt Saudi Arabian officials has been put on hold while the Downing Street Cabinet’s Behavioural Insight Team – aka the ‘Nudge-Nudge – Say No More Unit’ considers not only the criminal but also the dire political implications of allowing the SFO to push ahead with a full-scale investigation and prosecute the bollocks off the guilty parties.

This course of action, decreed as morally and legally constraining under the statutes of good old British Law, might well once again run the risk of a causing a further diplomatic rupture of Biblical proportions with the Saudis over bribery allegations.
Typical of their haughty cultural arrogance, any mention that they treat observance of the civilised world’s rules and regulations governing graft and corruption as an unwanted optional extras will doubtless result in having the supremely hubristic Saudi royals spit the dummy, cross Britain off their Christmas card list, and refuse to sell the UK any more oil – or sand.

In this latest case, Lt Col Genghis McSnitch claims he was sacked by General Billy Bob Batshit, the CEO of GPT, after reporting to the Serious Fraud Office that corrupt Saudi officials had been rewarded with night-time visits to a London orphanage and access to lots of little white boys – besides the regular kick-backs of high class whores, Black Mambo tickler condoms encrusted with conflict diamonds - and 20 foot sea containers full of cash.

A previous SFO inquiry was conducted into allegations of Mid-East improbity, concerning the rumour that BAE Systems ran a £60 million quid slush fund after winning a £40 zillion nicker defence contract from the scumbag Saudis and had also bribed the-then head of Saudi air force, Prince Turki Emakk ibn Himar, in order to secure a further contract to market a 3 for 2 range of the Vatican’s reconditioned ‘Inquisition Finest’ torture equipment to the basket case kingdom – including multi-geared winch racks, electric eye-gougers and digital thumbscrews.

This inquiry was dropped like a hot scorpion with an attitude problem by Lord Goldshit on orders from Tony Bliar’s unscrupulous administration after the corruption-ridden oil rich state threatened to stop the weekly injections of cash into the UK economy - by calling a halt to allowing it’s filthy rich diplomats and scores of royal princes flying over to London on a Friday night for their regular boozing and gambling sessions at the casinos - and whoring excursions around Whitehall’s Horse Guards Parade Barracks – plus pick n mix paedo’ assignations with child sex slaves at the East End’s Slumborough Hamlets orphanage.

Both the SFO’s and Attorney-General’s decision-making abilities have been purposely complicated by changes in legislation, as under the terms of the all-new Bribery Act, the SFO has greater freedom to decide whether to push ahead with a prosecution – but this case of gross improbity committed by GPT / EADS is for some asinine reason covered by the inflexible provisions of the defunct Corruption Act.

Under the terms of the £2 zillion quid contract, GPT was responsible for modernizing the dungeons and torture equipment of the Saudi royal palaces and National Guard – part of which helped the Saudi thugs supporting the despotic Bahraini regime extract the truth from protesters and a host of doctors and nurses concerning the Arab Spring revolutionaries’ real political agenda in Manama last May.

On the orders of the Saudi Foreign Minister, Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer, their ambassador to Britain, Prince Liwat Manuke Khara has now lodged a series of diplomatic complaints with the UK government for involving the kingdom’s pondscum officials in allegations of bribery and corruption.

Such have prompted Libservative Coalition PM Posh Dave Scameron to stage a brief press conference outside the House of Conmans, where he berated red top tabloid reporters with “Don’t blame us for this fuck up – it occurred on Gordon’s shift – so get on to those bloody oicks at New Labour’s HQ – and that little tosser Eddie Millipede who’s old Cyclop’s boss now.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.