Saturday, 15 October 2011

Bee Crisis Blamed on Hive Mentality

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A University of Smegmadale study, to be partially funded by the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money, will investigate whether microscopic nanoparticles exhausted from truck diesel engines could be the reason for the catastrophic decline in bee populations – both domesticated and wild.

The proposed twenty-year study will investigate whether diesel fumes are one of the factors negatively affecting bee numbers and precipitating colony collapses – and hopefully serve to distract serious research that has already pin-pointed the fickle finger of fate at such environmental toxic pollutants as Monsanto’s ‘Roundup Ready to Die’ pesticide – and the ubiquitous cellphone masts that have now blanketed the entire planet in an electronic smog of detrimental Apocalyptic proportions as the cause and effect factors responsible.

Dr Bernard Madeupname, equipped with Ph.D’s in both Apiology and Advanced Guesswork, informed the Honey Trap Review that “In my opinion the bees are negatively affected by this BD/SM lifestyle ‘hive mentality’ syndrome that has mentally emasculated them with having a ‘Queen’ dominating each and every aspect of their short foraging lives, just bumbling along collecting pollen.”
“In my humble opinion it’s the stumbling block principle of Communism all over again – the workers are treated like drones and they just say ‘fuck it’ and die off, lemming fashion.”

However, Professor of Ecology, Mortimer Fuctifino opined to one press hack from the Daily Shitraker "Diesel road-traffic is increasing across the UK and research has proven that nanoparticles found in its fumes can be detrimental to the brains of animals when they are exposed to large doses – which is perfectly illustrated when one looks at the majority of the morons who drive these trucks on a daily basis. The white van mentality - multiplied by a factor of ten.”

Conversely, Dr Irwin Spatchcock, the resident Apiologist at Honeywell University told reporters "We want to find out if bees are affected in the same way as old people with Alzheimer’s – they go out for a bit of a walk and are never seen again until they get picked up by the local Plod Squad and delivered home again.”
“This might well answer the question of why bees aren't finding their way back to the hive when they buzz off of a morning foraging for pollen. Perhaps it could have something to do with these ubiquitous GPS devices fucking their navigation abilities up – or perhaps the cause might lie with the UK joining the EUSSR and Brussels changing all the road signs around.”

Thought for the day: WTF are these clots bothering with this diesel fumes nanoparticles fiasco for? Apart from it being a distraction to move focus off the true reasons for colony collapses and singular bees getting disorientated and losing track of their ‘bee line’.

Diesel fumes on British roads were one zillion per cent higher before mandatory MOT testing for vehicles over three years old came into existence in 1967 - with fleets of old smoke belching lorries going up and down the A-roads and new motorways, pouring out ‘nanoparticles’ of diesel fumes by the virtual ‘truckload’ every time they came to a hill or overtook a slower member of their gender.

Here we have yet another ‘study’ involving beardies and anoraks with more degrees that a thermometer and less common sense than a tortoise on speed – and one of the main worries with such being the conspiratorial fact that officialdom is perfectly aware where the problem lies but is purposely doing the ostrich trick to avoid the negative commercial – and too political – consequences of correcting the problem.
Specifically banning the use of pesticides - and then shit-canning the cellphone masts responsible for creating this all-encompassing toxic electronic smog and returning to the use of a couple of cocoa cans and a piece of taut string to transmit voice mail – or dispatch a runner with a message in a forked stick.

So, the next time you’re out gardening and see a few slugs or weeds, don’t reach for the pesticides or weedkiller. Same deal when your mate fires yet another no-brainer text off to you. Before you even bother to reply, spare a spot of empathy and a kind thought for our great little furry friends in their black n yellow rugby shirts – the ultimate pollinators – cos once they go, then shortly after so do we.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


wiggins said...

.......and HAARP.

Rusty of said...

oh yes - and too that piece of shit of CERN's - the Large Hadiron Collider that's causing more fucking earthquakes than enough.