Thursday, 1 July 2010

UK Race Boss Croaks in Belgian SM Club

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Two women have been arrested after a British motor racing boss was found dead - in flagrante delicto - bent over and bound to an inflatable sheep at a sado-masochistic sex club in Belgium – and before anyone jumps to obvious conclusions – NO! – it wasn’t our old bum-spanking buddy and Fourth Reich Oberstfuhrer, Formula One chief Max Rufus Mosley.

Dobbin Dorkmunster, 96, who achieved engineering fame with his invention of the mechanical ferret, and is the founder-owner of BD/SM Slagsports, succumbed to a heart attack while visiting a kinky sex establishment in the village of Wankheim, near Antwerp, on Tuesday.
Commissioner Ghengis de Twatte, the public prosecutor in Antwerp, told one reporter from the Botty Spankers Gazette that an initial investigation suggested Monsieur Dorkmunster did not die of natural causes but rather from a good rogering up his back passage with a 12 inch strapon dildo.

He added “We have arrested two women who attended to his naughty needs in that club and they have been charged with assault and battery leading to death, without intent to kill.”
“A post-mortem examination is being carried out to try to determine exactly what happened and how far up his ass did they shove this dildo they buggered the poor man with.”

The Wankheim-based SM club – the Deviant’s Delight – is owned and managed by the black leather-clad Mistresses Chlamydia von Kuntt and Mistress Candida van der Gamm.
The gospel according to the club’s website states that the Mistress’s offer discerning adult clients a menu of ‘bondage, humiliation, torture, face-sitting, spankies, golden showers, cross-dressing and strapon training’.

Ms Chlamydia informed police investigators that “Dobbin he is a regular client who likes to be bent over our blow up sheep doll Lambsy Love and bound tight then get it up his ass with my strapon dick while Candida jerks him off.”
“Anyway, today all is as usual and I’m going at it like a fiddler's elbow and giving it him up the jacksy when he goes all religious on us and shouts “Oh my God I’m coming!” – then he has a coronary and drops dead. It was all most inconsiderate of him – and inconvenient too, as we had another client due for a watersports session at 4:00 pm.”
“Now we are both on bail charged with homicidal sodomy and my best strapon dildo is confiscated as Exhibit A.”

Conversely, in a statement released on their behalf, Mr Dorkmunster's family stated it was "This scandalous report is very disconcerting as it was understood from the British Consul in Antwerp that Dobbin had died of a heart attack in his sleep at a hotel and definitely not while bent across an inflatable sheep and engaged in consensual anal sex with a pair of kinky Belgian Dominatrix scrubbers".

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

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