Friday, 16 July 2010

Kosovo Boasts ‘Toenail Bliar’ Namesakes

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what has got to amount to a photo shoot publicity gimmick of the most desperate proportions, ex-Labour PM and current Mid-East Peace Envoy (sic) Tony Bliar last weekend met nine children during a visit to Kosovo who are reputed to have been named after him.

Fortunately the nine were all born after NATO's 1999 military campaign which virtually levelled the entire region and killed every fucker and their dog old enough to bleed – the end result of yet another illegal genocidal war backed by the former UK prime minister, which subsequently ousted Serbian forces from the region after it became contaminated with depleted uranium nano-particle dust and other toxic chemical nasties dropped in the aerial bombing attacks by Dodger Bill Clinton’s good ole boys from the USAF's 25th Genocide Air Arm Squadron.

Bliar, paying only his second visit to the Kosovan capital of Mutanta since 1999, was greeted by a crowd of several people, some carrying British World Cup flags and shouting at the ex-PM “Score one for us Wayne!”
Throngs of young children balled a variety of salutations – and insults – ranging from “Watch your arses - it’s Pope Benny come back for some more kiddie fiddling!” to one group exhorting “We’ve all been good at our house Santa!” – and a series of denigratory cat calls declaring “War criminals go home!”

Back in 1999, Bliar was credited by his PR team and chief spin doctor Alastair Scambell with playing a decisive role in ending former Serbian leader Fat Slob Miloseptic regime's persecution of ethnic Albanian swan roasters and Kosovan pikeys – hence the bunting, and cringing posters describing him as a "leader, friend and hero.”

Local Mutanta resident Mr Kostas Toadie, an unemployed tortoise polisher, told a reporter from the Freak Show Review “We call our son Toenibbler after the great man. He is very clever and brainy as he was born with two heads and the UN doctors tell us this is because of all the depleted uranium that came from the bombings, This is very good as not all children have two heads and two brains.”

“Toenail Bliar is very great leader - much like Alexander of Macedonia and Adolf Hitler. Such a pity his wife is broomstick merchant and have a gob like a bursted tyre, eh. Maybe we find him some nice young pikey wife to take home and leave the other old bag here for recycling.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

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