Sunday, 18 July 2010

NY’s Finest - Liar! Liar! Scumbags

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A former New York cop faces four sphincter-stretching years in one of the state’s numerous (74) sodomite paradise penitentiaries after an internet video exposed his bid to prosecute a cycling protester for running into him as a big porky pie.

Police Officer Patrick Pongo claimed activist Chad McScrunt steered into him purposely and knocked him down during a demonstration in July 2008 – where Pongo had been assigned to keep order and watch out for traffic violations as a bike protest called Critical Mass passed through Times Square.

However a YouTube video seen by every fucker and their dog on the planet who owns a computer with an internet connection has exposed him as a liar – with the video footage showing Pongo purposely striding over to intercept the cyclist and shoving him off his bike with violent malice aforethought, causing McScrunt to impact the ground and sutain injuries.

McScrunt was acquitted of assault charges and received a $65,000 payout from the city’s police – commenting to reporters at the time “No shit, that’s a handy wad of tax-free cash seeing I’m unemployed an’ ain’t had a holiday since fuck knows when. I’m gonna get my ass down to Vegas and do a few tracks of coke an’ get me some of that first rate pussy for hire.”

As a result of the felonious arrest Pongo, who was a rookie recruit at the time of the protest two years ago, has been fired from his job in disgrace and was recently convicted of perjury.
When the case opened in New York and the presiding judge announced “Call the first witness!”, the defence counsel replied “YouTube, your Honour”- with the short video of the entire incident of Pongo’s attack on McScrunt, taken on a tourist’s digicam, screened for the court – and jury. Hence case dismissed.

Pongo was subsequently charged with breaking the 9th and 11th Commandments respectively: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour – or cyclists” - and “Thou shalt not get caught out telling nasty porky pies”.

On hearing Pongo’s case the judge refused to entertain a petition for leniency owing to the fact the accused had suffered the embarrassing indignity of having the entire New York Police Force shouting "Liar! Liar! – Pants on Fire!" every time he walked into the station.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

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