Thursday, 29 July 2010

Libservatives Recruit ‘Cameron Judeng’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Libservative leader Posh Dave Scameron, Britain’s all-new ‘hug-a-hoodie’ Prime Minister, is set to kick start the Tory Party’s long-planned “National Citizen Service” campaign that he hopes (perhaps ‘prays’) will bring together teenagers from different backgrounds all across the country to become community volunteers and join in such healthy outdoor pursuits as poaching, mugging pensioners, gang fights, burglary, car-napping and al fresco dogging sessions.

Dave informed a reporter from the Yobs & Scallies Gazette that “Regardless of what our Labour sourpuss critics say, I’m positive my ‘Scameron Judeng Movement’, which is a minor but integral part of our overall Big Society project, will create a sense of community cohesion for Britain – just like it worked okay for that Hitler chappie in Germany.”
“Remember how they all looked really smart too. All those nice blonde Aryan types with their firm buttocks tucked sweetly in their leather Tyrolean shorts - and their black shirts and swastika armbands - going around the streets all happy and smiles, singing the Horst Wessel anthem - and chucking bricks through Mr Shylock’s windows.”
“Of course, our chaps won’t be doing any of that sort of thing as we don’t want to upset the local Rabbi or Baron Rothshite or his Israeli mates or they might come back and blow up the London Tube system again - and some more of Bonkers Boris’s double decker buses.”

Scameron has said that he hopes participation in the non-military, voluntary form of national service will become a “rite of passage” for all teenagers and an example to others in the Libservative’s drive to create a “Big Society” of volunteers and snitches (read ‘unpaid slave labourers) that is currently being organised by Sir Irwin Bogbrush, the Minister for Long-Term Policy Development (formerly the Department for Shagging the Cat / Daydreaming)

While critics have been bent double in laughter at the idiotic concept that teenagers would be prepared to give up their summer holidays to participate in the programme, the scheme is close to the Prime Minister’s heart.
“Really, just wait until Frankie Maude and Georgie Oddball have finished slashing the quangos - which has caused the knighted panjandrums in the Athenaeum Club on Pall Mall to shit kittens – then these volunteers will be the ones taking over those roles – and all at zero cost.”

The moronic plan is to put teenagers into mixed groups to ensure that they get to know youngsters from different social groups, ethnicities and parts of the country from their own – which critics have labelled as forced integration and brainwashing - more so than giving them a sense of common purpose, optimism and belonging.

Conversely Wilf Snott of the ‘Raving Racists’ movement commented to one reporter from the Apartheid Gazette “Wot Scameron’s plan is ter get all the kids interbreedin’ like an’ then yer gonna get ‘em shaggin’ each other an end up wiv shedloads of half-cast darkies an’ thievin’ pikeys wot’s gonna have Muslim grand-dads wot’s gonna teach ‘em all about bomb chuckin’ and shit like that. Then we’re gonna end up wiv a civil war an’ there’ll be no white fuckers left cos we’ll all have a bit of the golly tar brush in us, won’t we like.”

A military form of national service was compulsory in the United Kingdom between 1947 and 1960, and remains in place in several noteworthy repressive totalitarian states around the world, with absymal human rights records - including Russia, Israel, North Korea and China. Hmmm, nice one Dave.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Oh, and by the way, fuck Common Purpose and Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

No comments: