EUSSR Grabs New Surveillance Powers

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Membership of the dystopian EUSSR is starting to cost Britain dearly and not only in terms of gross financial waste through the kleptocracy’s inherent graft and corruption. Now the Eurocrats are pressing to enforce chilling new 'Big Brother' surveillance and investigation powers on the UK’s population.

While scattered gaggles of like-minded individuals, driven by the founding principles of Magna Carta and moral conscience, are intent on protecting Britain's civil liberties and preserving the already-fragile integrity of our criminal justice system, the enemy without – Brussels – is dead set on subjecting British citizens to chilling new EUSSR Kafkaesque laws wherein their (foreign) officials can travel to the UK and immediately assume the powers of our own Plod Squads.

These Stasi Gruppenfuhrers would be able to order undercover-spying missions, demand DNA and even pursue people for crimes which are not recognised in UK law - such as criticising government officials, heresy, scrumping, failing to fit a cupboard door and ‘stealing the cherry off the top of a cream dessert’ (ref The State vs Mr Oleg Fuckwitsky – Cracow 2008)

The EUSSR’s Brussels-based head of Interplod, Commissioner Kelly la Bonk, informed a reporter from the Autocrats Gazette “These new powers are known as European Investigation Orders (EIO) and are intended as a partner to our European Arrest Warrant (EAW).”

One point worth focusing on is the fact that the member countries demanding the new powers on behalf of the EUSSR include ex-Eastern Bloc Soviet states Poland, Bulgaria, Estonia and Slovenia – and Germany – which thrived on Fascist rule itself from 1933 to 1945 – with all of the above being renown for their miscarriages of justice and civil liberties abuses.

A decision on signing up for – or opting out of – the EIO will be taken by Parliament in the next two weeks - with Fair Trials International - the human rights (and wrongs) charity - leading demands for Britain to tell Brussels to ‘stick it’ as we already have enough problems with our Social Services Mafia jobsworths who abuse the power of their bureaucratic positions to play out their addiction of imposing their perverse will on others.

Fair Trials International has warned of its grave concerns about the proposal as such would afford foreign Plod Squads the legal right to carry out the ‘real time’ interception of communications, monitor a person’s bank account , demand bodily samples, DNA or fingerprints from a person in another EUSSR state.

Hmmm, so the Posh Dave Cameron / Mick Clogg Libservative government are ready to axe 60,000 Plod Squad jobs in an effort to offset Gordon Broon’s accumulated debt package from 13 years of Labour misrule while the Lib-Dum side of the dodgy coalition maintains its manifesto policy to 'Keep Britain part of international crime-fighting measures such as the European Arrest Warrant, European Police Office, Eurojust, and the European Criminal Records Information System - while ensuring high standards of justice' (with 60,000 less plods).

Thus signing up for the EIO warrants European police to order whatever British plods remain after the job slashing cull, to embark on wild-goose chases to investigate and prosecute suspects who might be guilty of committing a crime that isn’t recognised as a civil nor criminal offence in the UK.
Yeah, right – well, that makes sense, I don’t think. Does the right hand actually know what the left hand is doing in Downing Street?

Hmmm, while Orwell’s prophetic ‘1984’ provides insights to what a dystopian Big Brother state might manifest as, the book in itself was never meant to be used as an instruction manual to achieve such – Totalitarianism for Dummies.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Oh, and by the way, fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.