Saturday, 10 July 2010

School Teacher Recycling Policy Slammed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In total conflict with the EUSSR’s draconic recycling statutes, the Libservative coalition’s Education Authority has transgressed the unwritten law and dared to question the wisdom of re-commissioning worn out and incompetent old school teachers and headmasters with expired shelf lives and those well past their efficiency use-by dates.

The ex-Labour government’s lickspittle adherence to Brussels’ recycling policies concerning items no longer fit for purpose (animal, vegetable or mineral) has given cause for Sir Irwin Bogbrush, the Minister of Education, to quiz the faulty logic that continues to drive the policy for recycling useless teaching staff – from one school to another - when they should be ‘terminated with extreme prejudice’ and replaced by younger – qualified - staff who actually give a fuck and know which way is ‘up’.

The gospel according to the Imbecile’s Gazette, in total agreement with a report by the Daily Moron, states that only 18 British teachers have been struck off for incompetence in the past 450 years – since the demise of Henry VIII, and a grand total of 26 since the signing of Magna Carta - despite ex-chief inspector of UK schools, Chris van der Nump, estimating some 15,000 are not up to the job – with bad teachers being shuffled around other schools across the country rather than having their competency challenged and getting their useless arses fired.

Conversely, teaching unions dispute the claims, with Ms Fellattia Gammer, the secretary of the General Teaching Council for England which investigates complaints, stating for the record that the number of poor teachers remains unclear and a ‘grey area’.
However, the GTC admits the suggestion that the 18 struck off represents the total number of incompetent teachers in the system since the defeat of the Spanish Armada was hardly credible.

Only last week the GTC’s chief executive Kev McScrunt revealed during an interview with Channel 69’s ‘Thick Cunts’ programme that there could be as many as 17,000 – if not more - ‘substandard’ teachers among the 500,000 registered across the UK.

McScrunt informed Channel 69 that the figure represents less than 5% of teachers. "You tell me a profession where there aren't 5% to 10% of members who are incompetent? Just look at the effin’ banking sector – or BP Oil’s executives – or our own military’s wallies demonstrable incompetence in Afghanistan.”

“Really, that lot borders on 90% not fit for purpose and still in a job. – so it’s easy to see how this reflects on teaching staff.”
“However, the strange thing about the public sector in general and teaching in particular is that no-one will admit that there is this problem – they just keep covering each other’s arses in case someone rattles the skeletons in the proverbial cupboard and drops everyone else in the shit."

McScrunt went on to describe an incompetent teacher as someone who’d quite possibly come to the UK from another part of the EUSSR community and copped for a job on the strength of forged documents – Transylvanian pikeys, Polish plumbers, Bulgarian welders and Hungarian lap dancers.
“We had that Albanian bloke working at Smegmadale’s Asbo Central High and he couldn’t even speak English. It wasn’t until he beat two of his gobshite yobster pupils to death with a fire extinguished that we found out he was wanted for war crimes back in the Balkans.”

Channel 69’s ‘Thick Cunts’ programme uncovered evidence that teachers who fall under the ‘incompetent’ bracket are being given good references in exchange for agreeing to look for work in alternative schools – preferably as far away as possible.

One of those teachers who was struck off, Ms Hilda Blabberwocky, related she was told early in her case by an advisor from her NASTWAT union that they could look at getting her such a deal – which culminated with Hilda moving up the career ladder from being a supply teacher in the Scumborough Hamlets Primary School to a lecturer on the Humanities at Kuntsford University.
Nice one, Hilda.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

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