Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Flushed Away – Just Like That!

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In an asinine bid to comply with draconic EUSSR statutes governing the anthropogenic global warming scam and the imposition of carbon credits cap and trade exchange regulations – and thus avoid total bankruptcy, undertakers in Scotland have devised a totally Naziesque scheme to reduce their personal carbon footprint. They intend to stop burying – or cremating – dead bodies (yep- human ones) – and thus harvest a boon in carbon credits.

In what sounds alike a bad TV plot rehash of the 1940’s John Haig ‘Acid Bath Murders’, the ‘Jocks in Frocks’ Undertaking Institute is planning on dissolving corpses in a caustic solution then pouring the remaining ‘sludge’ into the sewers – which must qualify as the most ignominious of send-off’s after expiring your mortal span. Hmmm, Earth to Earth, Ashes to Ashes, Sludge to Sludge – and down the crapper you get flushed.

The ludicrous move, whose surreal purpose must have its dark and irreverend origins birthed within the scatter-brained schemes of Wiley T Coyote - or Wallace and Gromit - is intended to tackle a lack of burial space and environmental concerns as 573 lbs of carbon dioxide (CO2- the stuff plants breath in and exhale as oxygen) are released by every 140 lbs cremated corpse (work the dodgy maths out on that one) – each being enough in itself to melt dozens of ice flows around the Arctic and drown several families of destitute polar bears.

Under the process, known as ‘resomation’, the body is tucked up in a biodegradable wheelie bin bag, with that placed inside a metal cage frame. This is then loaded into a steel chamber known as the Resomator where bodies are treated in with potassium hydroxide at high pressure and a temperature of 180 Centigrade.
The raised pressure and temperature means the body reaches a similar end point as in standard cremation in a couple of hours, with just the skelatal remains to be ground up – in your standard kitchen style Bosch ‘Bone Grinder’.

The result is a small quantity of shit-tinted liquid containing amino acids, peptides, sugars and salts – which when dried becomes a white ash that can then be returned to the next of kin of the deceased.
Although the ashes can be recycled in waste systems, the highly toxic residue from the process may also be put in urns – or egg timers – or snow dome paperweights - and handed over to relatives of the deceased like the normal remains from crematorium farewells – which many surviving loved ones blend with a few grams of coke or ganja and enjoy an up close and personal bye-bye ritual ceremony through smoking or snorting the mortal remains with a narcotic substance of choice.

Several ‘progressive’ states in America – including the Nazi-governed California - have opted for resomation to get rid of the millions of ‘Red Zone’ domestic terrorist bodies expected to be rolling out of the gas chambers at the FEMA Death Camps when martial law kicks off big-time.

Hmmm, and what does the Catholic Church have to say on the sacreligious indignity involved in being ‘liquified’ in corrosive toxic chemicals then flushed down the toilet like a dead goldfish? Alas, the body be the Temple of the Soul.
So far, sweet fuck all. Too busy sweeping kiddie fiddling scandal debris under the nearest convenient carpets.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Thought for the day: Soylent Green anyone?

1 comment:

Ed Gazvoda said...

"Soylent Green is people!" This quote could be used incorrectly to belittle CycledBurial, incineration of humans, or the burying of the dead in the ground. All three of the options reduce the likelihood that the dead will be directly consumed by the living.

CycledLife, www.CycledLife.com, has introduced a better alternative called CycledBurial. CycledBurial(TM) is a hygienic burial. It allows for a burial without the necessity of incurring the cost of a coffin, vault, or cemetery plot.

On our site you will see why our option is better for the living than either cremation or burial.

Having witnessed cremation, seen decomposed bodies, and watched a CycledBurial process, I am of the opinion that there is no form of final disposition that is not disturbing.

When your time is up, may you rest in peace knowing you made an informed decision about how best to dispose of your body. CycledLife's website offers a comparison of the final disposition options. It is not hard to find research on the harm caused by both cremation and unsterile burials.