Prezzer Titled ‘Lord Pork of the Pies’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Former Labour deputy PM John Prescott has shamelessly cast all catcalls of ‘hypocrite’ to the wind and defended his acceptance of a peerage as a platform to campaign for subsidized meat pies and suet puddings for the unemployed and homeless.
Prezzer further claimed his wife ‘Porky Pauline’ had beseeched him to do it so she could impersonate a real ‘lady’ at long last and not be sneered at or looked down on as some common Northern slut who’s viewed as ‘all tits and arse an’ not much else’.

The lard-arsed Prescott, who earned the Pythonesque moniker of Parliament's own Mr. Creosote after bragging at a New Labour sleaze party banquet he could "eat two more taters than a pig" - a boast he lived up to by guzzling a firkin of pickled herrings and two buckets of chocolate mousse as an appetiser - once branded hereditary peers “an effin’ offence ter bleedin’ democracy" - and yet yesterday dismissed suggestions he was a hypocrite as ‘utter bullshit’.

“Yer should know we say that kind of crap ter get a few political brownie points when yer have no fuckin’ chance of ever bein’ one yerself. Then some twat comes along an’ awards yer a life peerage in the dissolution honours list – well, what can I say but surprise, surprise – an’ hypocrisy be fucked.”

Prescott acted as Tony Bliar's deputy for 10 years and was seen as the link between Labour's grass roots stereotypes – pig-ignorant, ale-swilling boiler makers - and the New Labour moneybags scum inhabiting the upper echelons of the party hierarchy's control pyramid.

Lord Prezzer recently underwent surgery at the Paddington Bear MRSA Health Care Trust in London to correct a blocked colon condition caused by swallowing steak and kidney pies whole and over-indulging in his favourite silage salad.

The attending physician, Dr Armitage Shanks, informed reporters from the media that “Lord Prescott's digestive system is as muddled as his syntax and old housing policies. We discovered during surgery that he's actually a ruminant, possessing four stomachs and his bowels were blocked with half-chewed cud.”
“However, John’s guts are all sorted out now, thank God, so he’s going to be right up there in the Lords with Peter Scandalson - Vermin in Ermine together.”

Were you awarded a life peerage in the dissolution honours list? Do you think super-scally spin doctor Alastair Scampbell should have got a peerage for his dodgy dossier services and assisting in David Kelly’s suicide?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.