Bliar’s Security Costs Quizzed by Budget Stasi

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Libservative coalition Foreign Secretary Willie Vague (Tory MP for Borkum Riff) today informed one journalist from the Hit List Gazette that police protection for ex-prime ministers should not cost anything more than is absolutely necessary.
Vague’s statement follows newspaper reports that ex-Labour PM Tony Bliar's bodyguards are costing taxpayers a £250,000 a year - forked out in expenses to keep his worthless lying arse from being bounty hunted and skinned.

The Daily Shitraker carried a report that Bliar’s close-in security officers are billeted in "five-star luxury" during his perpetual holiday and business trips.
Conversely Bliar's PA, Ms Fellattia van der Gobble rejected calls for him to pay policing costs personally, arguing her boss spent most of his time on unpaid work – such as travelling to Philadelphia to be awarded a ‘Liberty Medal’ plus a tax-free cheque for US$100,000.

“Tony has a very high regard for the professionalism of his protection team – guarding him from all the enemies he’s made around the world since 2001.”
“I mean it’s not just legions of irate Iraqis or Al Qaeda or the Taliban – or all those poor people in the Gaza Strip - but actual white Anglo-Saxon Protestant – and Catholic - British voters too. Really, Tony’s about as popular as a leper with the flu and is now rated as one of the most hated blokes on the planet – if you stand him next to Dubya Bush and that horrible Israeli Prime Minister psychopath clot, Binman Nuttyahoo.”

"Really, his Plod Squad security team do a fantastic job, often in very difficult circumstances particularly in the Middle East and Dubai because you simply never know when a Brazilian electrician – or a Mossad hit team - is going to drop in and snuff your lights out."

Regardless of Ms van der Gobble’s vindications for the exorbitant expenditure, reports in the gutter press tabloids state the protection squads claim more than £1,200-a-night for accommodation in hotels, limousine hire and other expenses – such as booze, happy ending massage girls, lap dancing services and generalised whores.

One red top tabloid lists a series of holidays, including a two-week break Mr Blair took in Borneo, where bored officers ran up a bill of more than £20,000 on their Metropolitan Police Barclaycard buying peanuts and bananas to feed the ginger mingin’ orang-utans.

A week-long visit, by Tony and his slack-jawed wife Cherie, to the Como al Shitalot health retreat in Bali, is reported to have resulted in a bill of £6,873 for the three-man police team's accommodation – simply to guard youngest son Leo’s bucket and spade on the beach while he and Cherie enjoyed the dubious colonic delights of their tropical fruit medley enemas.

In addition to the never-ending holidays and freebie junkets to Baron Rothshite’s Greek island villa, officers accompanied the Bliar bandwagon on more than 21 international Mid-East peace envoy business trips in the first four months of 2010 - to destinations including Israel, Australia, Jordan, Israel, Liberia, China, Israel, Singapore, Malaysia, Israel, Japan and the good ole US of A for a flying visit on his way back to Israel – noticeable missing out the besieged Gaza Strip on every possible occasion.

The Hit List Gazette claims it has access to documents which prove the annual cost of Bliar's protection squad was more than double the £135,000 submitted by the officers protecting Gordon Broon in his last year as prime minister – even though he was receiving an excess of 500 death threats per day – from fellow porridge wogs (plus English and Welsh voters) alone.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.