Monday, 12 July 2010

EUSSR Pension Regulations - Blatant Hypocrisy

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

EUSSR bureaucrats in Brussels warned yesterday that zillions of Britons could have to carry on working until they reached 70 years of old age – including the unemployed who must continue their futile job searching across the terrain of a jobless environment until Hell freezes over.

A European Commission green paper, complied by the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money, in conjunction with the Secretariat for Abject Poverty, reports that state pensions across Europe are no longer affordable, with the entire system in danger of collapse due gross fiscal mismanagement by government bodies entrusted with pension funds investing them in kikester-run schemes that would have been better served by sticking the lot on a horse at the local bookies.

The report further suggests workers will have to pay a greater proportion of their salaries – or Jobseekers Allowances - into pension pots throughout their lives to avoid being plunged into an even deeper level of penury once they do actually retire and no longer have to turn up at the Jobcentre to sign on every two weeks.

This warning was seen as yet another attempt by Eurocrats to exert totalitarian control over Britain’s economy and meddle in citizens’ lives.
However, irate critics pointed out that EUSSR officials are entitled to take early retirement from the age of 55 on taxpayer-subsidised pensions worth up to 50 per cent of their bloated salaries – with focus being brought to bear of the fact that these fat cat jobsworths feast on the hypocrisy of one rule for us and another rule for ‘them’.

Mortimer Fuctifino, the Tory MP for Old Scrotum, yesterday opined to the Daily Scandalmonger “Older people who have had to work all their lives didn’t do so for a bunch of smelly unelected foreigners to decide their pension entitlements. If the EUSSR bureaucrats want to raise anyone’s retirement age, they should drop the duplicity and scrap their own generous perks and privileges first.”

If meddling with Brit’s pensions wasn’t enough, in a further attempt to rub salt into the open, festering wounds, the Brussels’ fascists have imposed fines of more than £150 zillion quid on the UK for failing to display the EUSSR flag on a string of projects part-funded by Europe.

Candida Skank, of the independent think-tank Septic Europe, informed a reporter from the Daily Shitraker that several schemes were also penalised for failing to use the stupid flag on their letterheads.

The fines relate to £3.8 zillion nicker refunded to the UK by the European Regional Development Fund over a seven-year period.
The fund has contributed to a shitpile of dodgy schemes including the Somali Adopt-a-Pirate project, New Labour’s white elephant Millennium Dome, the Wobbly Bridge spanning the Thames, the redevelopment of Liverpool’s King Dick Docks and London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense’s new ‘Rat’s Nest’ hair style.

This year the UK will contribute £6.4 zillion more to Brussels than it receives back, with the Eurosceptic ‘UK Fuck em in the Arse Party’ MEP Nigel Barrage labelling the fines as an ‘effing outrage’ and further stating for the record to the Ripoffs Gazette “Britain is a net contributor to the EUSSR budget, hence ERDF funding is essentially recycled taxpayers’ money.”

Barrage continued ‘The ERDF (European Regional Development Fund) is using British taxpayers’ money to tell us what a great job the EUSSR is doing – which is one hell of a fucked-up deal for Britain – and in return we have to plaster the country in their nasty horrible blue flags.’

Likewise, the Libservative coalition Communities Secretary Eric Porkrat condemned the ‘over-bureaucratic rules’ surrounding ERDF money, claiming he would be petitioning the European Commission to cut back on ‘needless bureaucracy’ and to stick their idiotic fines up their arse.

Conversely the ERDF lays down strict rules on the display of the EUSSR flag, with any project accepting cash having to exhibit the flag on a permanent plaque in a prominent position to illustrate what an egocentric-run foreign organisation we are all dominated by.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel shit.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits in the woods does it have to mark the spot with a EUSSR flag?

Oh, and by the way, fuck the EUSSR and the New World Order.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

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