Thursday, 22 July 2010

Posh Dave’s WW2 Faux Pas

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Libservative leader Posh Dave Scameron, the UK’s ‘Hug a Hoodie’ Prime Minister, unanimously described by friends and critics alike as a ‘right dozy twat’, illustrated for the entire world yesterday his lack of knowledge concerning British history when he declared that Britain was a ‘junior partner’ to its United States ‘Big Brother’ in the Second World War conflict against Herr Hitler and his Nazi hordes.
Posh Dave confirmed his total ignorance of WW2 history by being blind to the fact that the actual conflict kicked off smartly in September 1939 and the Yanks never bothered to get their arses involved until after the Japs fucked up and bombed Pearl Harbour over two years later.

Scameron, the MP for Shitney in Poxfordshire, dropped his faux pas clanger during a speech at Washington’s elite Prats Club, while reflecting on his version of the UK’s ‘special relationship’ with the US that has grown following the Boston Tea Party and the disastrous War of Independence, when he praised US participation in “That bit of a scuffle we had with Mr Hitler’s bully boys over Poland and you guys joined in and saved the day for us - again.”

Labour’s shadow foreign secretary David Millipede opined to the Daily Shitraker “One has to ponder on Posh Dave’s grasp of reality at times. Not only does he state we should be ‘hugging hoodies’ and other associated yobs and scallies as they’re simply misunderstood – now he’s off praising the Yanks for saving our arses in World War Two when we had been fighting against the Nazis since 1939 and the US decided to join in over two years later – which was slightly better than World War One when they arrived three years late to help out against Kaiser Bill and his mob.”
“All they ever did from 1939 to 1942 was supply us with some war materials such as bubble gum, Hershey bars and condoms – while their dodgy banks and Grand-Daddy Bush supported Hitler.”

Sir Armitage Shanks, director of the Imperial War Museum, told reporters “Good grief, what do they teach these upper class cloth-eared clots at public school? Paying fees of £25,000 quid per term and they don’t even know the basic history or facts concerning the biggest human conflict of the last century.”
“I mean to say, what the hell is he doing over there anyway - arse-kissing and toadying to this Kenyan impostor O’Barmy that’s wiggled his way into the White House on the strength of a counterfeit Hawaiian birth certificate?”

Sir Armitage’s remarks prompted hacks from the gutter press to get their arses out of the pub and into researching Posh Dave academic achievements while attending Eton and Brownose College, Oxford.

While gaining noteriety as a complete toe rag poofter, obsessed with wind turbines while at Eton, Scameron went on to become a 'Hurrah Henry' member of the Oxford student dining society, the Bullshitters Club, which has a nefarious reputation for its outlandish drinking culture and association with buggery, boisterous behaviour and damaging property. Just the educational curriculum required for the future leaders of the country. Fellow members worthy of note are London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense and Chancellor George Oddball.

As one of Scameron’s Poxford lecturers, Professor Bogdoor, once commented on his former pupil's ideas about a "bill of rights" to replace the Human Rights Act, stating "David is a most confused individual. I've read his paper and the ideas therein and it's filled with contradictions. There’s a couple of fair points but one glimpses them, as it were, through a mist of complete misunderstanding.”

Hmmm, hardly a recommendation for the post of Prime Minister.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

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