Thursday, 22 July 2010

Poxburgh Climategate Inquiry Whitewashed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to the red top banner headlines of today's Daily Shitraker and the Scandalmongers Gazette both claim that the Poxburgh Inquiry into the University of East Anglia Climategate imbroglio, wound up in April 2010, was the biggest whitewash since Lord Mutton’s coverup of Dr David Kelly’s ‘assissted suicide’ in the Grassy Knoll Woods.

Evidence provided by UEA whistleblowers working for 'Blabberwocky', the snitch and grassers chairty, proves that Lord ‘Ronnie the Rat’ Poxburgh, in the course of his inquiry into the Climategate scandal, permitted culprit numero uno Dr. Phil Jones, chief of the UEA Climate Research Unit – the academic at the centre of the AGW scam scandal whose raw data was crucial to the theory of climate change – to endorse (read Pick n Mix) what evidence to review.

Hmmm, as Ms Constance Dandelion opined in her Heretics Chronicle column this morning, did no fucker or their dog involved with this inquiry ever ponder on the irony of a man accused of lying, cheating, and generalised dishonesty – and out to save his own arse - being asked to give his honest opinion of the dodgy evidence he originally presented as gospel truth and ‘hard science’?
Especially so Jones – a man who ended up on the Sex Offender’s Register following his conviction for grooming underage sheep on the Facebook social networking site.

Regardless of his past crimes and misdemeanours, what a brilliant defence strategy – an inquiry where the defendant gets to determine beforehand exactly what pieces of evidence may be presented at his trial.
Yep, truly a fascinating concept to include in the field of jurisprudence. Akin to a murderer disallowing the introduction into court evidence of Exhibit A – specifically the gun with which he committed the crime - or denying the eyewitnesses at the crime scene, who saw him pull the trigger, the right to testify.

Hence, to add insult to injury, when you let the accused endorse which pieces of evidence might be a fair sample, it’s no fucking wonder the verdict keeps getting returned “Not guilty, M’lud”.

The habitually disingenuous Professor Jones informed the Climate Scam Review yesterday there was a certain element of truth in the observations of colleagues that he lacked organisational skills and his office was a veritable shitheap, swamped with piles of paper and that his record keeping was ‘not as good as it might be. Further, he added, neither was his memory up to it anymore – except for remembering the fact that it was his turn to feed the cat tonight.

Thus the data crucial to his famous ‘hockey stick graph’ used by climate change advocates to support the theory of Anthropogenic Global Warming has been lost – or as critics claim – never existed in the first place, with rumours abounding that he simply used the profile edge of his daughter’s school hockey stick to plot the controversial graph as he’d misplaced his ruler.

In light of the hacked e-mails scandal revealing that scientists were manipulating data and conjured the entire AGW scam to suit the nefarious requirements of their masters and sponsors, Jones also conceded the possibility that the world was a lot hotter in medieval times than now – suggesting global warming may not be a man-made phenomenon and have sweet fuck all to do with human activity – or cows farting – or the rise in the incidence of drowned polar bears or penguins dying of heat exhaustion.

The raw data, collected from hundreds of weather stations around the world and systematically analysed by Dr Jones’ unit, has been manipulated for years to bolster efforts by Rajendra Pachauri, the shifty Neanderthal look-alike chief of the United Nation’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, to cajole world governments into cutting carbon dioxide emissions by enforcing the carbon credit cap n trade exchange racket on the hapless global peasantry.

So, is that now it for the Anthropogenic Global Warming scam alarmists? Has their not-so-carefully crafted AGW scam and carbon credits cap n trade exchange money-spinner gone down the Swannee? Do you think Big Al Bore should give the Nobel Prize back? How about that shifty twat Rajendra Pachauri, the IPCC chief – should he go back to his job on the railways and stop telling porky pies about the Himalayan glaciers melting?

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

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