Monday, 5 July 2010

Scottish Masonic Establishment Paedo-Riddled

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A Scottish chief constable who quit his post amid allegations of financial wrongdoing (nicking the tea money) and misuse of police equipment (his truncheon) was also being investigated in connection with his force’s dismissal of child abuse claims against a senior High Court judge – Sir Irwin Bogbrush.

Ghengis McScrunt, who was forced to resign from Grampian’s Ferryhill Police last week, had been accused by Bogbrush’s ex-wife of allowing his Masonic brotherhood relationship with the judge to influence the force’s treatment of the criminal kiddie fiddling accusations – which resulted in their arbitrary dismissal.

McScrunt resigned his post when the IPCC (Independent Police Coverups Commission) launched separate investigations into criminal financial irregularities concerning the dispersement of the force’s funds and alleged misuse of a police truncheon for personal sexual gratification.

According to one report in the red top Daily Shitraker tabloid, the IPCC had ordered the police authority to investigate rumoured criminal links between Chief Constable McScrunt and Judge Bogbrush – both of whom are suspected of inappropriate behaviour towards children – with ‘inappropriate’ being defined as molestation, acts of irrumatio, and sodomy.

The investigation was prompted after accusations were filed by the judge’s Ukranian ex-wife Ms Takem Orloff that Bogbrush had infected several children with a sexually transmitted disease (Galloping Knob Rot) when they attended a Masonic Lodge garden party for the local orphanage and the judge enticed them to play ‘Hide the Hot Dog’ behind the barbeque tent.

Ms Orloff confided in a reporter from the Scandalmongers Gazette “That dirty old twat Irwin shagged me pet cat Tiddles an’ gave it a dose of the clap. They woz always at it - him and his gang of pervy Freemason mates from their Tartan Tadgers Lodge – since I first met ‘em while I woz workin’ as a lap dancer at Slutsky’s Bar in Aberdeen.”

“He couldn’t get it up ter give me one even if yer fed him double doses of Viagra – but yer just show the old bugger a photo of a pretty sheep in a kilt or a young lad’s bum and he’s instantly turned on. I got fed up an’ moved out when I walked inter the bathroom one night an’ discovered him rogerin’ an inflatable choir boy – which Irwin sez woz a gift from his big buddy Masonic mate - the Catholic Bishop of Grampian.

The IPCC investigation has so far confirmed the fact Chief Constable McScrunt had obtained evidence corroborating the accusations that Judge Bogbrush had viewed child pornography websites and misused transcripts from child abuse cases that he had presided over as aids to group masturbation rituals during Masonic Lodge gatherings.

McScrunt further acted as spokesman for the Association of Chief Police Officers on child protection issues and caused controversy last year when he refused to investigate charges of child sex abuse against members of the Ferryhill Masonic Lodge – including Judge Bogbrush - filed by Mrs Slappsy McCormorant – a 16-year old mother of three – who told journalists at the time “It’s all a right pile of bullshit. Me wee lad Willie comes home from the Cub Scouts meeting complaining of a sore arse cos that dirty old kiddie fiddling git of a judge and his gang of tosspot mates buggered the whole Cub troop as part of their ‘initiation ceremony’.

Do you live in the Grampian region? Have you ever been buggered by a Freemason or had a police truncheon shoved up your jacksy? Can you guess what Scottish Masons wear under their kilts?

If anyone knows the answers to the above questions – and how to repair a puncture to an inflatable choirboy or blow-up sheep - please forward your replies using the online comments form below and you could win free front row tickets to our upcoming ‘Pervy Paedo’s Night’ at Aberdeen’s prestigious Slutsky’s Bar.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

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