Knife Crime Down – Kiddie Fiddling Up

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A set of fantasy figures issued by the Caledonian Department for Creative Accounting & Number Joggling indicates that 3,194 crimes of having a knife (skean dhu, claymore or Yardie type machete) in public – including possession by amok celebrity chefs and psychopathic Boy Scouts - were committed in 2009-2010 period, a drop of 22% on the previous year.

The questionable fall was welcomed by ‘selective attentions’ Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill, who boasted it showed that the HSE educational posters declaring “Knives are sharp and can cut you!” plus tough enforcement by the tartan Plod Squads was paying off.

Hmmm, obviously paying off a lot better than the investigation of the myriad cases of rampant child sexual abuse around Aberdeen – the kiddie fiddling capital of Scotland – not by your usual suspects, the Catholic priests either - but establishment local worthies – Freemasons to a man – Procurator Fiscal to Sheriff to police force to teachers to social workers to GPs – and old Uncle Tom Cobley and all - that are ignored – along with the systematic harassment - and assisted suicides / brutal murders - of those who file complaints.

Ah well, that’s the problem with Third World governments and justice systems - and secret society cults such as Freemasonry – all smiled upon by the ruling scumbags in Edinburgh’s Holyrood - so clannish and corrupt that they can get away with anything and pursue their disgusting perversions without fear of reprimand and punishment.

However, the glaring sins and shame of the Grampian area and Aberdeen aside, Scottish opposition parties are accusing the corrupt Injustice Secretary of being complacent on the issue as over the past three years there has been a 30% fall in arrests for the possession of all low tech’ offensive weapons – mainly the Scottish pub fight specials – a 2 x 4 lump of timber with a 6 inch nail driven through one end – or Mum’s carving knife – or an Old Headbanger lager bottle.
Now the yobs and scallies and other assorted crim’s have evolved to guns - or electric drills to bore holes in each other when they restage the Battle of Killiecrankie every Saturday night.

However the Scots baddies are a bit more switched on than their IRA and Provo contemporaries from across the water in the Emerald Isle as they are buying battery pack portable models to ‘drill’ each other with - and so not facing the same problems and setbacks when carrying out a Belfast knee-capping job with their Black and Decker and have to walk around like a numbskull prat with a 100 meter extension lead and find somewhere to plug it in first.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.