Saturday, 11 September 2010

Ground Zero Mosque Gets Competition

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

As the deliberately engineered socio-political furore concerning the location and construction of a Muslim-type mosque adjacent to New York’s World Trade Centre ‘Ground Zero’ terrorist attack site memorial continues to rage between frenzied sectarian bigots of all denominations, further parochial controversy has arisen over plans to open a kosher Spam Burger deli’ directly opposite the proposed Islamic prayer and heathen worship centre.

The mosque and Islamic ‘madrassa’ teaching centre are to be financed by Saudi oil-rich zillionaire Sheikh Fizzy Al Kaseltzer who informed one reporter from the Shit-Stirrers Gazette “This is all a Zionist plot to insult our Prophet and make some mockery of our religious beliefs – and create a holy war against the peoples of Islam – building a ‘haram’ pork luncheon meat fast food outlet and deli’ directly opposite my mosque.”

However, the gospel according to the website claims that the vacant lot was once the site used by the Spam Fritters Choir every Christmas to bring glad tidings and joy – and a free slice of deep fried luncheon meat - to the pork-guzzling members of civilised society during the 1930’s Depression – a fact and statement supported by a montage of sepia photos of the site.

CEO of the Spam Corporation - Texas-born and bred Gerald Plumrose, a self-made pork luncheon meat tycoon who last year dared successfully market the highly-acclaimed GMO variety of luncheon meat, bred from a cloned cross between a pig and an elephant – the Spammoth - had this to say concerning his Ground Zero deli’ plans.
“We seem to be hearin’ a lot of guff concernin’ Muslim rights an’ all that sorta bullshit when it was them there Islamic terrorist types workin’ fer Big Al Qaeda and that Bin Laden character that caused this goddamn mess in the first place on 9/11.”

"Well okay, perhaps there has been this eruption of Muslim bashing and Islamophobia but what the hell do they expect, I ask yer all. What we need now is some religious an’ cross cultural tolerance. I’m willin’ ter let bygones be bygones and those guys at the mosque can come across anytime they like ter try our Spam burgers an’ fritters – an’ they can wander inter next door as well – where I plan on buildin’ a memorial synagogue to commemorate the killing (sic) Larry Silverslime made on the WTC insurance payouts.”

“Jest one point here though, we’ve bin down at City hall an’ looked at their plans fer this here mosque thing an’ it’s gonna be 25 stories tall. So, let’s get something straight before they even break ground fer this. What we definitely do not need is one of them there minaret things built inter it where you have that guy standing at the top and howling his fucking head off five times a day in some heathen language. And hey, another thing too – if it’s gonna be 25 stories high I jest hope ter fuck no airplanes fly inter it – like the World Trade Centre Towers.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.

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